GIVE & TAKE

OK, I'm a guy, so I'm stupid
We are born this way---we have that other brain---you know---led by the dick
Well I'm starting to think that way

The longer I live, the more I get confirmation of it. There is no such thing as give and take

THE MORE THAT YOU ARE PREPARED TO GIVE, THE MORE SOMEONE WILL TAKE

I am gonna learn one day

So the latest episode

I met her at work---she was temping for us for a couple of months
I could see that she had problems---she was quite private about most of her life--she was really struggling with her finances---she had the education (three degrees) and background to be anything she wanted to be and she was chasing it.
I thought that if she wasn't paying rent, she would have more freedom to have a life and fulfill her dreams.
OK, so I offer her free rent in my house---her own bedroom, bathroom and toilet and no strings attached.
She left our office but two weeks later came in to see if the offer was still there---she just needed it for two weeks.----of course I said yes

She left last night after being here for 11 weeks.

For that 11 weeks, she had no job, paid no rent, bought no food, cooked for me once, smoked 4 packets of my cigarettes per week, borrowed my car for an average 150 ks per week, did no housework and ignored my dog.
She didn't want to talk so she would head for her bedroom after I had fed her unless she had commandeered my pay TV for the night.
She would let me know when her toilet was out of paper and she had run out of toothpaste or soap. She wouldn't answer the phone yet I had to keep asking for the cordless handset from her bedroom.
She wouldn't use the clothes line and her washing was hung in my games room on airers or she used the dryer
It wasn't the warmest of weather so she would run the gas heater all day and eat the nuts and cheese I bought from the market---I guess I didn't need any.

Funny, she had no money but she drank health food power powdered drinks every morning and the rubbish she left behind included containers for another three powdered supplements--over $30.00 each and fat burner tablets (she was built like a greyhound)and three other tablets from health food shops----
Geez, she must have had some money for her own cigarettes

The grand finale came last night when I took her to the airport for her to head home to her parents---she found money for an airfare----but her luggage was 20 kilos over weight----she stood there---she looked at me----she said I guess you'll just have to take it home and freight it up to me-----so OK, I paid the $160.00 excess baggage.

So there we were----11 weeks of paying out for someone to have free rent in my house and I've just paid out $160.00 to get her belongings home with her and she turns to me and says----------

"I should never have come to this State----there is nothing here for me---I'm never coming back to this town"
And she turned and walked off.

MISUNDERSTOOD

Men are so misunderstood

You call us names----like pervert and sleaze but you just don't understand

Really, we are just so caring, we cant help ourselves




You should appreciate our efforts

BIG BROTHER IS READING

Ya just never know who is reading the shit that you publish

You get a comment or two or three from a familiar name and every now and then a troll squirts a load of shit across your publication.

But how many people just read and never comment-----and who the hell are they.

So I get this email on the Clyde contact----well, who the hell is this----and there it is ----a proposition

How real it is, I don't know, but I will let you know

The deal is that they want to send me some product, get me to test it out and write up a review for yous mob to read

So, only in the interest of keeping you all informed, I'm gonna give it a go.

What product you say ?-----well from the web address, I'm guessing that it is pheromones-----

If I end up looking like Shrek, smelling like Donkey and getting pissed on by passing dogs, I'm not gonna be too impressed------but if the girlies start smiling at me or sniffing my nuts and I end up getting a root or two, I'm gonna praise this shit forever and get myself a life time supply.

I'll let you know
Bring it on

HOW LONG IS LONG ENOUGH

So how long have you been in love with someone?

So she was 17 and I was 24 but she was everything that I ever wanted in my life.
She came to work in my office and she lived in my area
I gave her a ride to work nearly every day----she was refreshingly honest
Seven years wasn't a great gap but she called me old man
We had everything in common----food, music, love of animals, music, love of the beach, support of a football team
We could say anything to each other----she had braces and hated them---I teased her and called her lead mouth.
Her parents liked me----even her little sister
But---she had a boyfriend

Her parents didn't like him
I'm sure it pushed them closer together
She left our office----she wanted to nurse----she still played netball for the works netball team
Of course I was at every game---we would talk for hours unless her boyfriend was there----and of course she couldn't acknowledge me

I went to a country branch for a month and house sat the boss's house
Her Mother paid an airfare for her and her sister to come and stay with me----her boyfriend thought she was interstate on holiday
I wrote her poetry----I told her that I loved her
Her holiday was over ----two weeks later I got home----she was engaged---I was shattered

She invited me to her engagement party and set me up with her girlfriend----she knew we wouldn't hit it off
A wedding, and I was invited-----I couldn't see it happen----I waited outside the church---he was inside-----she arrived----her Mother wouldn't go---her father was on her arm----she steered him over to me-----I wished her all of the luck in the world and left.

I married----I divorced

I didn't see her for years----my brother was dying----she was in charge of a wonderful little local hospital----she held a sea view room for him----he was only there for four days-----she phoned me and cried with me-----I didn't know that her Father had died the same day.------I went to his funeral----I stood back from the gathering----she was the only one to see me there

She was gone----out of my life----she and her husband sold up and went sailing around the coast.
Her Mother died----she didn't see me at that funeral----I didn't want her to

The phone call came----he had left her----she was 2000 miles away----he had tied up her bank account and was about to take the lot-----she knew I could do it.
The account was dry before he could touch it---she had the best of lawyers before he could breath-----he got his share but not a penny more---I had found every hidden asset and his superannuation account---I found his renamed boat----my god, he squealed.

She came home to her Mothers old house-----her sister had arranged a house sitter---he had nowhere else to go-----he took over her life----
She stayed with me for days----we talked all night but she went back to her house.

She talks to me when she can----my number is in her phone under another name
I cant get her out of there

Will this go on for the rest of my life-----
Her sister phoned last night-----apparently he makes threats against me to her-----she wont come to me and she wont let me come to her

I guess I'll wait some more-------- I should go back to the beach but I'll still wait

Stupid ?----Na, She is the one. I may never be with her but I have to hope

ARE WE RACIST

The shame of Australia in earlier years was the "White Australia Policy"
Yes, we would only accept migrants who were white

The majority of our migrants came from Britain, Italy and Greece
But even then, things weren't equal.
While all of the others were paying full fares and arranging their own passages, our wonderful government were sponsoring the British migrants who were affectionately known as 10 pound Pomes
Now, come on I do know how to spell it-----one explanation for the name was "Prisoners of mother England"----so yes, there is a fucking E in it.

Of course, it didn't take long to drop the 10 pound bit and call them the "Whinging Pomes"----basically because they did fucking whinge a lot and tell everyone how much better off they where in England------
So fucking go back was the cry----but the poor fuckers had to pay full fares to go back.------so in the end, we called them 10 pound tourists

Now all of these "Pomes" seem to want to stick together and establish "English" clubs and all live next door to each other------partially our fault cos the public housing was basically whole fucking suburbs and they really didn't want to mix with people calling them whinging Pome pricks---there was another word but this is a classy blog so I aint saying cunts.
Geez in SA, we even built them a suburb and named it after their fucking Queen---oh, she is ours too----oh, ok, but she lives over there.

So all of this time that we are dealing with the whingers, the Greeks and Italians, not so affectionately known as "Wogs"----"Workers of the Government"----are out there taking every job that a non English speaking person can get or, if they had a quid (money, morons)--they were buying up land and establishing farms and market gardens and generally working their guts out to get on in this new country.
But, they like the Pomes, stuck together----so we had the Greek clubs, Italian clubs and they established their own enclaves, living together in big groups

So you get the picture now----we have these Pome bastards----hey, we had changed their name by then----and these wogs and spics all living as groups and not assimilating with us Aussies----well, they didn't want to or we didn't want them to---hmmm, great question.

Now post WW11, we did get an influx of Yanks, but nobody liked them cos they had been here on R&R during the war and were fucking our sheilas----bastards

Now we got to the 60s & 70s and we were taking a lot of Vietnamese migrants who were escaping the oppression of the Communist North after the conflict that those stupid fucking Yanks got us involved in----look, I'm sorry here to any American readers, but your mob seem to want to go into other countries to be heroes to the underdog and drag the rest of the Allies with you----fucking weapons of mass destruction---yeh, come on George, you cant even fucking say it

Oh, ok---so we get all of these Vietnamese here and they want to live in their own little enclaves and don't want to socialise with the rest of us---oh, unless you want to buy drugs, have a need for the sex industry or need a stand over merchant who uses a machete.

Ok, time to finish this and answer the question

We now have big Lebanese, Indian, Sri Lankan, Russian, Serb, Afghan communities along with many others----they are all welcome----it is a great country----but if you want to tell us how much better off you were in your homeland and you want to live in enclaves and not assimilate with the rest of us, then yes, we are racist----racist, because we are proud of our race proud of our own country
Live with us, not next door to us
And don't try to jam your religion up our noses.
Have your beliefs, but don't tell me that they are better than mine
Be my brother and don't get shitty when I want to go out with your sister
Don't be part of a minority group----be part of the whole group----

Yes, I'm racist because you as a race dont appreciate our country and dont like me.

Amen

Somebody get me a Curry Kebab with lemongrass and tabbouleh----oh, and a Scotch or Bourbon

SAY IT WITH FLOWERS

Fashion changes over the years
Some things just seem to go out of fashion or different generations don't see any value in carrying on things done by the generations gone before.

From talking to friends of varying generations and from a few posts that I have read, it seems as though flowers have hit the fashion dust bin.

Ok, guys will think about flowers on Valentines Day and maybe a birthday or two, but what ever happened to sending flowers as a message.

You don't have to send a card with them because they can speak for themselves.

"Hey, Mum, you deserve these just because its today and you are my Mum"

"You're my wife and you put up with all of my shit."

"I know that you are having a bad day so just smile."

"I love you and I want everyone to know it"

There are all sorts of messages and all sorts of reasons, so why wait til the commercially expected days----just send them.

I remember riding 15 miles on a train, a little worse for wear, swinging onto two bunches of gladiolas, just because I saw them at the station and thought that my wife deserved them for me coming home pissed.
How right I was
I was two hours late for a dinner for her family but she took the flowers in the intended spirit and wrapped them round my bloody head-----oh well, I tried and we laughed about it later----well, she did.

I had sent her flowers many times before we were married but the first bunch that I sent after the nuptials resulted in some suspicion-----"what have you done now"
But in the end, she just loved to get them for no reason.

I still send flowers to a long term friend in another State, just because she is alone and working a long way from family and friends. It makes her smile and realise that someone is at least thinking of her

So guys, just do it
I don't know a lady who doesn't like to get flowers occasionally-----and if you don't send a message, they will work it out.

There are all sorts of messages

PUBLIC HEALTH ANNOUNCEMENT

Guys are very bad at taking care of their own health.

Those lucky enough to have a partner are usually healthier because they get nagged into having check-ups.

One of the biggies is having a prostate check.

You can actually have a blood test without getting the doctors finger in the arse----and guys really do have a fear of the doctor digitalizing the fluffer valve.

Well guys, here it is----how to make sure that it doesn't happen to you.
Ladies, be kind and pass it on---very valuable information.