It really doesn't matter how or where you meet someone, you always have some questions that you will ask.
Even if they are just acquaintances or friends, you want to know something about them and usually a bit more than they will volunteer----after all, you don't want to be seen to be friends with a mass murderer or rapist----but then again, they are not likely to tell you about that.
I must admit to being a bit of a stickler when it comes to relationships or even the very rare one night/day stand---I actually want to know if the person is single--well at least not married and living with a husband.
My ex wife, so I've found out since, was not so fussy----tried to get a lawyer friend of mine to represent her in our divorce by offering favours----favours that she had offered him before when we were living together in our marriage.---oh, and he wasn't the only one.
I did tell my mate that he should have accepted her offer
1) I would have loved to battle him in court (I did my own divorce and property settlement)
2) My ex wife was very good when it came to bedroom gymnastics.
Any way, the reason for my post
As a relationship develops, there is more and more that you learn and want to know about your partner.
In America recently, a woman was arrested for the murder of her step daughter.
The girl's father was an Australian and had met this woman on line---the relationship developed and the woman came to Australia.
They married and moved to America
He knew that she had been married before and was divorced----but it wasn't until she was charged and arrested that the investigation showed that she had been married seven times before----he didn't know
You would have to be wary of a woman who had been married seven times before---you just cant be that unlucky in love.
But is that a question that you ask ?
Oh, you are divorced---how many times have you been married ?
No, it's not a question you ask and I guess that if you are the woman, it's not information that you volunteer.
I did get a bit of a chuckle at this story.
I really don't know why, but I was looking for something in my wife's robe and saw her wedding dress---well, actually there was two----yes, well I knew she had been married before---oh, hang on, there's three wedding dresses.-----so I had to ask---6 years into our marriage---and yes, I was victim 3----she had forgotten to tell me about number 2---and she was still married to him and living with him when we went out on our first date.---I never knew
You see, I just never asked the question, so she never volunteered the information
Maybe it is a question you should ask----divorced---lovely--how many times
Friday, 25 February 2011
It really doesn't matter how or where you meet someone, you always have some questions that you will ask.
Posted by Clyde at 8:49 pm
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Some people describe dating as a minefield.
They spend so much time trying to impress a new prospect that they lose sight of the truth.
It is not as though they set out to create a total false persona, they just exaggerate to make themselves more appealing or acceptable.
The problem with doing that is that you have to live up to your lies and in the majority of cases, you will get caught out
You may find that you are in a relationship that you like and you live in fear of discovery---or you decide that you should tell the truth.
Which ever way it goes, it is not the way to start a relationship.
If you cant be honest from the start, don't expect anything to last.
It may turn out to be just one date with a hamburger for dinner----or it could be more.
Try it---you never know where honesty will get you
Posted by Clyde at 11:17 pm
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Where did all of these rules of appropriateness in relationships come from ?
Who made these grand decisions on "what looks good" and the "timing" of things ?
I suppose my parents were rebels in their day in as much as my mother was 10 months older than my father
There was this rule that the man should be older and that about 2 years difference was about right.
Then there was this rule that it should be the man asking the lady out and that she should not be forward enough to even encourage him.
And of course there is the rules on the appropriate number of dates before anything should occur.
I guess even through my generation, the age difference rule seemed to apply---most of my friends were in relationships and ended up in marriages where there was a 2 to 3 year age difference.
I got married a little later than most of my friends but the age difference was still the same.
I was so in love with a girl from work but never acted upon it because she was 7 years younger than me----not bad now but 17 and 24 "didn't look good".
I seemed to naturally adopt the rules on the number of dates before there was any sexual activity---it seemed right and it was almost an unwritten rule that at the third date there should be some hanky panky.
But maybe these rules only apply during those years when society expects you to be single and out there dating or in relationships---
Well it seemed that way because my first relationship after my divorce was with a girl 17 years younger than me, who asked me out.
Because of some work constraints (legal issues) I had to refuse her first advance but as soon as those barriers had expired, she asked again and who was I to refuse.
Our first night out dispensed with another of society's rules---a first for us both, but it seemed so right.
Since then, my relationships seem to be with partners at least 20 years younger than me.
That's not something that I have planned---it has just worked out that way---maybe that's why they haven't lasted.
I seem to have a lot of female friends (I don't make enemies too well, even with ex's) and most seem to be from younger generations.
I worked a part-time job for year with bookmakers on the local racecourses--I became friendly with a young girl working for another bookmaker and ended up giving her a ride to and from the racecourse and then to and from our full time jobs in the city. She was going overseas for 12 months and to thank me for my help and support, she took me out to dinner. When I dropped her home she invited me in to meet her parents. She left me with her father in his shed while she went to make drinks. I could see that her father (who was younger than me) was uncomfortable talking to me especially when I mentioned my age. Apparently his daughter talked about me all of the time. I had to laugh and said to him "It's alright John, I'm not fucking your daughter--we are just friends." She was 24 and I was 50.
The 7 year difference girl from all of those years ago has come back into my life but we just cant seem to get our act together and seem to be off with other people when we should be working things out.
I really don't think much about age differences but recently had a rude awakening about what other people think.
I was in the local pet food shop waiting to be served by a lovely young Emo girl. I didn't mind waiting while she was talking to a good looking young bloke but I couldn't help overhear their conversation. Ha was telling her about a girl he had an on-going relationship with and was living with and how she had got upset about him meeting up with an old girlfriend who was back in town. He went out for dinner with the old girlfriend and even brought her home---even suggested a threesome. His girlfriend had kicked him out and now she is going to meet up with some old bloke from America who she had met on line. He thought it was disgusting that this American was 60 years old, so he probably had a walking stick and there was no way that he could get it up to satisfy her.
The shop girl thought it would be a good idea to serve me before this conversation went any further. I thanked her, got my change and I looked at the young bloke---I couldn't help myself---so I said to him "So, this old bloke, he's got a walking stick, or you think because he's 60, he should have one"---He looked at me and said "Well 60 is pretty old and he's probably got one"---I laughed and said "So you think he wont be able to get it up at that age"---He said "No way--maybe with some little blue pills or something"
I had to laugh--I couldn't help myself----I said to him "I guess you haven't got many years to look forward to---but I'll tell you something---I'm that old and my partner is 26 and she is happy with our sex life"
He looked stunned and it was the Emo girl who said "With little blue pills?"
"Sorry", I said "It all works well without medication"
I was kind of stunned by their thoughts on age and when things should stop working. My partner thought it was a great joke.
Unfortunately the joke was on me because two days later after hearing from her parents who had been caught in the Queensland floods, my partner decided that she should go home to help them---when I suggested that I go with her to help she had to explain that I was older than her father and that he wouldn't understand---so she went alone. Her parents property was in the path of the cyclone that hit Queensland two weeks ago and she has decided that she is going to stay and wont be coming back.
Oh, and she has told her parents that I was 40---they were outraged and told her she should look for someone about her own age.
Hey, I understand---I suppose if she was my daughter, I would think the same.
But I also hope that I would understand that love has no age restriction.
A happy ending---OK, I'll tell you.
On Thursday I raced into the pet food shop right on closing time---little Emo girl was there---she looked up and smiled and said "I'll just pull in the signs and close the door before anyone else comes in--it's closing time."
She got my order ready, took my money and as she handed me the change she said "You really surprised my friend a few weeks back. Is your partner really only 26?"
I chuckled, but told her that my now ex partner was 26 but she was now gone and told her why.
She said "Oh, that's bad luck--I guess you will have to find another young one"
I explained that I really didn't care about age and at 60, I had a broad range to pick from.
As I was walking for the door she said "So does it really still work without those blue pills?"
I assured her that everything was still in good working order and that I hope that it would get some use soon.
I admit she surprised me when she said "Show me"
Some of these young people are so forward----I'm sure there's rules about that.
Posted by Clyde at 8:58 pm
Friday, 4 February 2011
It has been a very funny summer in Australia
Poor old Queensland, our northern tropical state has been flooded with tsunamis (fucking big waves) in their river systems and damage caused all over the place.
Then they get a category 5 (fucking big ) cyclone cross the coast between two major cities and wipe a lot of people out----few deaths but big damages.
But down south here, we have been having some hot weather.
Now it's not abnormal for dog and I to be up early and getting a good walk on the beach before the heat of the day hits
Both of us have been getting a Nanna nap in the middle of the day to make up for lost sleep.
What has been unusual is the number of late night walks we have had on the beach to cool off before trying for a good night's sleep.
I'm not sure, if you don't have a beach or a desert or a country field close to you, if you have seen the night sky as I have in the past few months.
There is always the same number of stars in the sky but if you are laying flat on your back in the middle of a beach, they seem to change.
The nights of a full moon, there seems to be so much illumination yet the stars are there, but there doesn't seem to be as many, but a crescent moon and the stars are brighter and fill the sky.
Are there more stars or do you just see more or is the glow just brighter when the moon is not so bright.-----can you count them or does your count just run out when a wet dog licks you up your nose.
Is there someone out there?
How far away are they?
And then there is the cloudy nights---the sun sets into a red or golden sea from clouds of fire---the stars are less but still a few.
And then your dog is sitting next to you---wet but leaning against you and you know.
Then there it is----lightning on the horizon---lighting up the cargo ships on the deep sea anchorage---the rumble of thunder and you wonder how she knew.
Every night there is a new sky but unless you are laying on your back on the beach or in the fields or out in the desert, you don't see all of it----but it is the same sky as you that I have never met will see tonight.
See, we are connected
Winter or summer
Posted by Clyde at 9:54 pm