Sunday, 27 July 2008


Guys are very bad at taking care of their own health.

Those lucky enough to have a partner are usually healthier because they get nagged into having check-ups.

One of the biggies is having a prostate check.

You can actually have a blood test without getting the doctors finger in the arse----and guys really do have a fear of the doctor digitalizing the fluffer valve.

Well guys, here it is----how to make sure that it doesn't happen to you.
Ladies, be kind and pass it on---very valuable information.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008


Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love ---that's bonk for you cretins--- they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth----so stop lying Kylie, we can see it in your hair.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.------ah ha---no pimples, you are bonking your heart out
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.----so you might as well say yes or ya gonna end up fat
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers----unless you are into that kinky stuff
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being----so when you talk about fucking depression, it is actually a lack of fucking, depression
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy-----but I'm guessing that if you ain't getting any, everyone knows and thinks that you are a dud root
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM------it sure calms me down and I sleep like a baby----hey, just refreshing myself for morning sex
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up------so get rid of the tooth brush, gargle and snog someone on the train to work
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain------so no more of that bullshit of not tonight, I've got a headache
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever------geez, they've taken all of the good cold and flu drugs off the shelf---who knew you could do the same with a little help from a friend

So if you want to look good and feel good, there is one thing that you can do to help your self-----get out there and root like rabbits.

If anyone (girls only) needs any assistance, as a public service to mankind, I can make myself available


Tuesday, 8 July 2008


Geez, what a shock.

So I wake up this morning---no no, that's not the shock------so as per usual, I listen to the news before I spring out of bed---oh, ok, it was a crawl.

Anyways, I'm listening to the news and there it is----men have a biological clock.

Well, who knew

So what they are saying is that around 35 years old, men are at an age when things start going stale.

Now I wanna know how this works.
So are they doing sperm counts----hey, and they intrigue me.
How do they do them ?
Yeh, I know, you have to wank in a cup and hand it to the nurse. But what happens then.
Is it like counting the sheep flock---do they get a little dog to chase them through a gate and a little bloke is there counting them----yep, that's gotta be it.

But some blokes start of with a very big sperm count and others very low----so how are they working out that the counts are falling at an age.
Do we have to wank in the cup once a year for 20 years for comparison sake or is there a changing percentage of the little swimmers doing backstroke.

Any how, they are saying things start to happen at an age.

And then they went on to say that in some countries, the sperm banks wont accept donations from guys over 45. Geez, there is gonna be an excess of stale old jism looking for a place to go-----oh, hang on, it's still mainly Lecithin---
Leciwhat--ok, it helps with arthritis, fat metabolism, improved memory and---ok---see my Owner Operator post.

So, back to it.
Looks like guys have a use by date

Ok, I know that you are gonna say that there are all these old guys in Hollywood pumping out kids from their 24th wife.
But that is now fraught with its own dangers
They are saying that old sperm is responsible for miscarriages and birth defects

Now, they didn't say anything about frozen sperm----so I'm guessing that's ok.
And frozen eggs are ok
And there have been frozen embryos

So, if you are thinking about breeding a little later in life, you had better make room along side the steaks in the freezer.

Not sure I want to hear tomorrows news

Thursday, 3 July 2008


There is a saying of "What you see is what you get"

But what about what you dont see

Did you ever wonder -- what was her secret?

Victoria's Secret

Now that could frighten you on a dark night