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Tuesday, 15 July 2008

GOOD FOR YOU

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
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1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love ---that's bonk for you cretins--- they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth----so stop lying Kylie, we can see it in your hair.
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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.------ah ha---no pimples, you are bonking your heart out
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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.----so you might as well say yes or ya gonna end up fat
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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers----unless you are into that kinky stuff
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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being----so when you talk about fucking depression, it is actually a lack of fucking, depression
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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy-----but I'm guessing that if you ain't getting any, everyone knows and thinks that you are a dud root
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7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM------it sure calms me down and I sleep like a baby----hey, just refreshing myself for morning sex
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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up------so get rid of the tooth brush, gargle and snog someone on the train to work
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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain------so no more of that bullshit of not tonight, I've got a headache
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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever------geez, they've taken all of the good cold and flu drugs off the shelf---who knew you could do the same with a little help from a friend

So if you want to look good and feel good, there is one thing that you can do to help your self-----get out there and root like rabbits.

If anyone (girls only) needs any assistance, as a public service to mankind, I can make myself available

Ha

27 comments:

Kali said...

Hahaha... My hair's shiny and my skin's great, but I'm not getting any. There's something wrong with that equation!

An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away
But if the doctor is cute
Then screw the fruit.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Well, I can tell you #10 is true from personal experience.

So let me ask...does it have to be sex or can we masturbate our way to a more beautiful complexion? ;)

oestrebunny said...

So not only is not having sex turning me into a sex obsessed freak, it's also bad for my health?

Great.

Fanny F said...

Dr. Clyde, you truly are a physician with the best prescriptions.

But the way I look in the mornings, from your descriptions it would appear I haven't had sex for 10 years.

Clyde said...

Kali
But you are having to go to the gym or do other exercise, and you have a headache----
Hmm, so you are visiting a cute doctor now---thats better than those old guys in your office


Stacy
I am sure that taking yourself in hand will have a substantial benefit----but of course, the effort seems less when you have a partner

Clyde said...

Bunny
You already knew that it was bad for your mind, now you know the rest.
I think you are just going to have to jump someone

Fanny
Given your recent history sweets, that is just exhaustion from fucking all night---
I'm betting that by lunch time, you are at your radiant best

UBERMOUTH said...

And I just thought it was fun!

UBERMOUTH said...

LOL@Kali's ditty

Clyde said...

Uber
It is fun---but not Just
Bugga, just thought----if you tell people its good for them, they will stop doing it

kiki said...

stacey,

it's more the work out that keeps you in shape. the climax provides the rest. so masturbation will work for some, but not all.

Clyde said...

Kiki
I'm guessing that you're not putting enough effort into it

phishez_rule said...

Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up

You know, if you discount the potentially reproductive and life threatening diseases out there.

You're so thoughtful to be offering to help all of us ladies out. How does one go about taking you up on that offer?

Clyde said...

Phish
Now I know that you are a girl who doesnt leave home without the "rubber" covers, so the chances of unexpected procreation or green genital crawly things is just about nil.
As far as my offer of assistance, I dont do house calls that involve other States or Countries---unless I'm holidaying.
Call me

Spiky Zora Jones said...

clyle...that kali has a point. because if i don't get any in like a week I still get offers to get shagged,

I always feel better after sex...I actually do purr like a kitty.

So you don't make house calls...tsk tsk. I am going to Oz soon it seems late (September or early October)...but I guess you couldn't look me up...I mean I don't know anyone there...
:D

UBERMOUTH said...

Here's a fact- women who have regular sex are healthier than their sexless counterparts because there is a hormone only men produce which they rub on the woman during sex.

Clyde said...

Spiky
Of course you get offered sex and more sex, cos you just ooooozzzeee sex appeal-------you glow like a beacon in a fog
OOOHH, I do like to make a pussy purrrrrrrr
Well, Australia is that small, you will probably be next door, so I'll just have to go into training

Clyde said...

Uber
And you though we were being naughty rubbing things on you---It's all done for your own health and well being---
Just how considerate are we---aye Rod

UBERMOUTH said...

Yeah, better than rubbing car engine grease over us,as my ex husband would do[ he was a mechanic] and I had oily,black thumb prints all over the house and me. :)

Keshi said...

So wut can ya tell from my skin?

Keshi.

Clyde said...

Keshi
That you are a lady in waiting.
And we are waiting to see you glow

Keshi said...

lolz!

k come n ans my qn in my blog then.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Clyde tnxx!

But my skin is already glowing ;-)

Keshi.

EmmaK said...

My skin glows because I am being sreviced regularly. But I would disagree that sex is better than Valium. I once took Valium while sitting on a cramped airline to Australia and it felt like I was lounging on a feather bed!

Clyde said...

Emma
It was probably a good idea to take the Valium on the plane----after all, mounting up for a quick relaxer in the middle of the cabin, may have offended other passengers.

Personally, I would have applauded

EmmaK said...

mounting up for a quick relaxer in the middle of the cabin, may have offended other passengers

Personally I have never understood why they don't have special air hostesses or air hostess guys (not the gay ones) for the ladies to pleasure you while you are flying. I mean it's not like there's anything else to do up there is there? The staff would have to be fluent cunnilinguists.

Clyde said...

Emma
I love the way you think
I'd fly with you any time

unique_stephen said...

Just looking at number 10 tho'.

Tell me again just how do you get your cock up her nose?