Sunday, 28 September 2008


OK, I'm a guy, so I'm stupid
We are born this way---we have that other brain---you know---led by the dick
Well I'm starting to think that way

The longer I live, the more I get confirmation of it. There is no such thing as give and take


I am gonna learn one day

So the latest episode

I met her at work---she was temping for us for a couple of months
I could see that she had problems---she was quite private about most of her life--she was really struggling with her finances---she had the education (three degrees) and background to be anything she wanted to be and she was chasing it.
I thought that if she wasn't paying rent, she would have more freedom to have a life and fulfill her dreams.
OK, so I offer her free rent in my house---her own bedroom, bathroom and toilet and no strings attached.
She left our office but two weeks later came in to see if the offer was still there---she just needed it for two weeks.----of course I said yes

She left last night after being here for 11 weeks.

For that 11 weeks, she had no job, paid no rent, bought no food, cooked for me once, smoked 4 packets of my cigarettes per week, borrowed my car for an average 150 ks per week, did no housework and ignored my dog.
She didn't want to talk so she would head for her bedroom after I had fed her unless she had commandeered my pay TV for the night.
She would let me know when her toilet was out of paper and she had run out of toothpaste or soap. She wouldn't answer the phone yet I had to keep asking for the cordless handset from her bedroom.
She wouldn't use the clothes line and her washing was hung in my games room on airers or she used the dryer
It wasn't the warmest of weather so she would run the gas heater all day and eat the nuts and cheese I bought from the market---I guess I didn't need any.

Funny, she had no money but she drank health food power powdered drinks every morning and the rubbish she left behind included containers for another three powdered supplements--over $30.00 each and fat burner tablets (she was built like a greyhound)and three other tablets from health food shops----
Geez, she must have had some money for her own cigarettes

The grand finale came last night when I took her to the airport for her to head home to her parents---she found money for an airfare----but her luggage was 20 kilos over weight----she stood there---she looked at me----she said I guess you'll just have to take it home and freight it up to me-----so OK, I paid the $160.00 excess baggage.

So there we were----11 weeks of paying out for someone to have free rent in my house and I've just paid out $160.00 to get her belongings home with her and she turns to me and says----------

"I should never have come to this State----there is nothing here for me---I'm never coming back to this town"
And she turned and walked off.

Saturday, 20 September 2008


Men are so misunderstood

You call us names----like pervert and sleaze but you just don't understand

Really, we are just so caring, we cant help ourselves

You should appreciate our efforts

Thursday, 11 September 2008


Ya just never know who is reading the shit that you publish

You get a comment or two or three from a familiar name and every now and then a troll squirts a load of shit across your publication.

But how many people just read and never comment-----and who the hell are they.

So I get this email on the Clyde contact----well, who the hell is this----and there it is ----a proposition

How real it is, I don't know, but I will let you know

The deal is that they want to send me some product, get me to test it out and write up a review for yous mob to read

So, only in the interest of keeping you all informed, I'm gonna give it a go.

What product you say ?-----well from the web address, I'm guessing that it is pheromones-----

If I end up looking like Shrek, smelling like Donkey and getting pissed on by passing dogs, I'm not gonna be too impressed------but if the girlies start smiling at me or sniffing my nuts and I end up getting a root or two, I'm gonna praise this shit forever and get myself a life time supply.

I'll let you know
Bring it on

Friday, 5 September 2008


So how long have you been in love with someone?

So she was 17 and I was 24 but she was everything that I ever wanted in my life.
She came to work in my office and she lived in my area
I gave her a ride to work nearly every day----she was refreshingly honest
Seven years wasn't a great gap but she called me old man
We had everything in common----food, music, love of animals, music, love of the beach, support of a football team
We could say anything to each other----she had braces and hated them---I teased her and called her lead mouth.
Her parents liked me----even her little sister
But---she had a boyfriend

Her parents didn't like him
I'm sure it pushed them closer together
She left our office----she wanted to nurse----she still played netball for the works netball team
Of course I was at every game---we would talk for hours unless her boyfriend was there----and of course she couldn't acknowledge me

I went to a country branch for a month and house sat the boss's house
Her Mother paid an airfare for her and her sister to come and stay with me----her boyfriend thought she was interstate on holiday
I wrote her poetry----I told her that I loved her
Her holiday was over ----two weeks later I got home----she was engaged---I was shattered

She invited me to her engagement party and set me up with her girlfriend----she knew we wouldn't hit it off
A wedding, and I was invited-----I couldn't see it happen----I waited outside the church---he was inside-----she arrived----her Mother wouldn't go---her father was on her arm----she steered him over to me-----I wished her all of the luck in the world and left.

I married----I divorced

I didn't see her for years----my brother was dying----she was in charge of a wonderful little local hospital----she held a sea view room for him----he was only there for four days-----she phoned me and cried with me-----I didn't know that her Father had died the same day.------I went to his funeral----I stood back from the gathering----she was the only one to see me there

She was gone----out of my life----she and her husband sold up and went sailing around the coast.
Her Mother died----she didn't see me at that funeral----I didn't want her to

The phone call came----he had left her----she was 2000 miles away----he had tied up her bank account and was about to take the lot-----she knew I could do it.
The account was dry before he could touch it---she had the best of lawyers before he could breath-----he got his share but not a penny more---I had found every hidden asset and his superannuation account---I found his renamed boat----my god, he squealed.

She came home to her Mothers old house-----her sister had arranged a house sitter---he had nowhere else to go-----he took over her life----
She stayed with me for days----we talked all night but she went back to her house.

She talks to me when she can----my number is in her phone under another name
I cant get her out of there

Will this go on for the rest of my life-----
Her sister phoned last night-----apparently he makes threats against me to her-----she wont come to me and she wont let me come to her

I guess I'll wait some more-------- I should go back to the beach but I'll still wait

Stupid ?----Na, She is the one. I may never be with her but I have to hope