Friday, 25 June 2010


I had to wonder about the state of mind of a young lady who reviewed the world Twilight phenomena as a "Girls battle to chose between bestiality and necrophilia".

At first I couldn't believe what I was reading, then I laughed but then I could see what she meant.

Twilight's reoccurring story line is the battle that the leading lady has, torn between two lovers.
One lover--a Vampire---the living dead.
The other a Werewolf---the beast.

That should have been the end of the story but it's me---my mind---I couldn't help but think---why do I know the meaning of these words---and more than that---why are there names for these sort of activities.
Are they that popular that they have to get their own special name.

Having spent a lot of my recreational life at a horse property which had the diversity of a breeding stud, race training facility, riding school and rented out stables and paddocks for recreational horses, I have witnessed minor bestiality.
Minor to the extent of teenage girls taking more than a healthy interest in the genitalia of the stud stallions---more than a healthy interest---touch.

Now I'm a guy--yep, and guys will on the odd occasion take an interest in porn----ah, come on---you can't throw stones,---I know you have run into those sites by mistake when you googled toys for cats----yep, OK----but my point is, I have run into sites dedicated to activities with dogs and horses.
So, maybe not a mainstream activity for the family to get involved in on the weekend, but it has a name and it does exist----sorry, don't invite me, I'm sure I'm painting my nails that weekend.

Necrophilia---no, sorry, I know nothing and I can't see it being a popular pastime in any circles and I'm not about to canvas the local undertaker to see if the party in the cool room.
Well, I'm off
I've got a letter to write to a little bloke in Rome. He thinks he is in charge of the worlds most popular book and I think it needs a rewrite.---you know the bit.
"Thou shalt not covet thine neighbours wife or Labrador, or German Shepherd, or Beagle or Corgi"

Thursday, 17 June 2010


Every season, yep I mean season---so that's four times a year, there are releases of new fashions for the stylish to empty their wallets and fill their wardrobes.
It seems like a girl into fashion has to have at least one new item every season and that's not counting the shoes or the underwear.
Underwear has become a fashion of its own and even though most of it will never be displayed to anyone who will appreciate it, it just makes a girl feel good.

Of course, if you are a hoarder / collector, you will notice that fashion that is old will make a comeback and you are back in fashion again with that stuff you have stored in the spare room.

OK, I know that guys are fashion dags---we will wear everything til it wears out and even then, keep on wearing it with a rip or tear because there is some fashion to the ripped or torn.

But it is not just clothes that maketh the man or the woman.
Just have a look at your family photos----it's the hair styles or lack there of.

For years the ladies have been heading for the hair stylists and reinventing their look on a regular basis but most guys have stayed with the regular neat and trimmed hair.
But now it seems that the guys are joining in on the hair fashions---but the fashion seems to be minimal.
No longer are there the comb overs or the heads of thinning hair around town.
Now it's the shaved heads or or very close cuts taking over----and the clean shaved is giving way to the three day growth of facial hair-----all of a sudden, I am fashionable.

But now it's going all the way.
It used to be just the ladies waxing legs, armpits and any other region that may be exposed by the latest fashion in swim wear--or shaping it up as a fashion statement, or removing it all.
Now it's the guys---
I can understand that the guys who look like they're wearing a King Kong T-shirts would want to get the mower out on their back and chest hair----who wants to look like a primate---but going all the way with a back, crack and sack seems to be going overboard to the name of fashion----or is it fashion.

OK, I don't mind neat and tidy and I am not that hairy that I need the chest or back wax but I have no intention of letting someone loose with wax around my dangly bits.
And I really don't have any fixed views on how far anyone else should go in the name of fashion or comfort.
Ladies, all I know is that defoliated legs and armpits do look better---what you do with the rest is fine and fashionable with me.
Guys, well if you are closely related to king kong, I would think about either keeping your shirt on---but that foliage over the top of your collar does not look good----or maybe keep up with the latest in fashions and get the grass mowed.

Oh, head hair for the ladies----long, short, shaven, blonde, brunette or redhead, whatever is fine with me
Fashion--well, I have always measured a lady by the way she can wear a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt---simple

Friday, 11 June 2010


There is two epidemics sweeping the world and although no one else has said so, I think that they are related.

But then again, maybe they are not sweeping the world but more so what they like the call the "western world"

Obesity seems to be taking over our communities.

On a daily basis people send me emails of "the people of Wallmart"---and every one of them has photos of these extra large economy size people who don't seem to realise that they are obese. They have bits hanging out of their clothes, front, back and side and it is not a sexy or titillating look.
There are G-strings/ thongs on both males and females, with the T-bar clearly shown and you just have to wonder, between fits of vomiting, where the hell that string is and will it hold.
You only have to walk the streets to see these people in tracksuit bottoms / sweat pants and tights / leggings, to get this view of something that looks like two rather large animals fighting in a sack----of course, the shirt has to be long enough to prevent the protrusion of excess stomach that dangles over the top of the waist band of the pants.

The saddest thing is that we see their children hiding under a pile of fries and burgers, trying to avoid the sports coaches who might press gang them into some healthy sporting pastime.
Just imagine the finished product at 25 with a start like that

Geez, China has this one child per family ruling----The "Western World" could to do something similar but limit it by a maximum of kilograms or pounds of offspring.

OK, so I said there was a second epidemic and that it could be related---well, you've got the remote control, start channel surfing.

Where the fuck did all of these cooking shows and Chef competitions come from on free to air television.
Is this it's own subliminal epidemic luring the sedentary food voyeurs---lip lickers--midnight grazers.
We used to have the occasional mother of four, showing her skills at cooking breakfast lunch and dinner to satisfy her family and backing a few biscuits of cakes for special treats---but now.
Now they are "celebrities".
We have an arrogant Scotsman who has a limited command of the English language and substitutes the word fuck for all and sundry meanings. I doubt that Scotland claims him being that he was raised in England from the age of five, but he has won so many awards.-----but I have never been fascinated by his cooking and none of it seems to be overly healthy.
The Naked Chef has been applauded for trying to get health menus into British schools but every time I see him cooking up a storm it seems to consist of loads of meat cooked under gallons of animal fat products with three varieties of potatoes and a few wilted greens
Then we have the competitions---amateur chefs competing against each other under the watchful eyes of abusive overweight professionals, producing menus of calorie exploding, sugar coated, chocolate filled goodies for the chunky judges to taste.

Wouldn't it be nice if they could produce something that didn't include a Mars Bar salad with chocolate fudge topping.

Even the food we cook at home is fast food---ah, the microwave oven---the destroyed of anything green or orange. When did vegetables have the consistency of mush and all have that same taste of paper glue.

OK, I'm not the thinnest guy in the world and I do love a feed of that tasty fast food, but I limit it to a weekly treat---and I walk the beach every day ---and I take notice of how my waistline feels in my jeans.
Sport was something that was not only on offer to me at school but one full lesson a week was compulsory
Although not great sporting people, my parents made sure that fresh air and exercise were part of my daily menu.

I am horrified to think that we have come this way, but more I can see it getting worse.

I can see it being the end of the human race. Unless the future brings proportionately larger dangley bits, I can't see the sexes being able to get together to breed another generation.

OK, I'm off for a chocolate wagon wheel and a thick shake---or maybe that delightful Dutch girl will come visiting with some donuts

Thursday, 3 June 2010


OK, that's what I've been doing.
Geez, you're off line for a few weeks and people start reading the obituaries and start lining up for their share of your porn collection.

Well, sorry kids but I'm still here
I haven't got anything to say other than you should never buy an Acer computer.

Less than 12 months old and after cleaning it's own litter box of all records it shut itself down without even a fuck you Clyde----
And the Guarantee service agents in each State of Australia have been amalgamated to one centralised agent in another state.

So after that first phone call with that automated answering service---you are number 47 in the cue---which lasted 84 minutes, they offer to email me a shipping slip so that I can send this heap of shit back to them.
Now, can you see what's wrong with that---no, well they couldn't---email me a slip--hey, my computer is stuffed so I don't have email access

"Ok sir, we will Fax it to you"----ha, I don't have access to a fax---"oh, I guess we could post it to you"----yep, that will work---but before you run away, I have to ask about the battery in this thing---it wont hold a charge for any longer that 3 minutes, which isn't quite long enough when I want to watch porn in bed---"OK sir, send the battery with the computer and we will replace it."

I doubt that the had used the postage system before cos it took 5 days for the shipping slip to get here.

Ok, the rest of the story is as bad and boring as the first bit but suffice it to say, all up, I was off line for four weeks and I missed you all.
Oh, I still cant watch porn in bed because they forgot to send the battery back---ha, and when they did, it was my old battery.

Yes, get yourself an Acer

I need another drink