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Saturday, 12 February 2011

SOCIETY'S APPROPRIATE RULES

Where did all of these rules of appropriateness in relationships come from ?
Who made these grand decisions on "what looks good" and the "timing" of things ?

I suppose my parents were rebels in their day in as much as my mother was 10 months older than my father

There was this rule that the man should be older and that about 2 years difference was about right.
Then there was this rule that it should be the man asking the lady out and that she should not be forward enough to even encourage him.
And of course there is the rules on the appropriate number of dates before anything should occur.

I guess even through my generation, the age difference rule seemed to apply---most of my friends were in relationships and ended up in marriages where there was a 2 to 3 year age difference.
I got married a little later than most of my friends but the age difference was still the same.
I was so in love with a girl from work but never acted upon it because she was 7 years younger than me----not bad now but 17 and 24 "didn't look good".

I seemed to naturally adopt the rules on the number of dates before there was any sexual activity---it seemed right and it was almost an unwritten rule that at the third date there should be some hanky panky.

But maybe these rules only apply during those years when society expects you to be single and out there dating or in relationships---
Well it seemed that way because my first relationship after my divorce was with a girl 17 years younger than me, who asked me out.
Because of some work constraints (legal issues) I had to refuse her first advance but as soon as those barriers had expired, she asked again and who was I to refuse.
Our first night out dispensed with another of society's rules---a first for us both, but it seemed so right.

Since then, my relationships seem to be with partners at least 20 years younger than me.
That's not something that I have planned---it has just worked out that way---maybe that's why they haven't lasted.

I seem to have a lot of female friends (I don't make enemies too well, even with ex's) and most seem to be from younger generations.

I worked a part-time job for year with bookmakers on the local racecourses--I became friendly with a young girl working for another bookmaker and ended up giving her a ride to and from the racecourse and then to and from our full time jobs in the city. She was going overseas for 12 months and to thank me for my help and support, she took me out to dinner. When I dropped her home she invited me in to meet her parents. She left me with her father in his shed while she went to make drinks. I could see that her father (who was younger than me) was uncomfortable talking to me especially when I mentioned my age. Apparently his daughter talked about me all of the time. I had to laugh and said to him "It's alright John, I'm not fucking your daughter--we are just friends." She was 24 and I was 50.

The 7 year difference girl from all of those years ago has come back into my life but we just cant seem to get our act together and seem to be off with other people when we should be working things out.

I really don't think much about age differences but recently had a rude awakening about what other people think.
I was in the local pet food shop waiting to be served by a lovely young Emo girl. I didn't mind waiting while she was talking to a good looking young bloke but I couldn't help overhear their conversation. Ha was telling her about a girl he had an on-going relationship with and was living with and how she had got upset about him meeting up with an old girlfriend who was back in town. He went out for dinner with the old girlfriend and even brought her home---even suggested a threesome. His girlfriend had kicked him out and now she is going to meet up with some old bloke from America who she had met on line. He thought it was disgusting that this American was 60 years old, so he probably had a walking stick and there was no way that he could get it up to satisfy her.

The shop girl thought it would be a good idea to serve me before this conversation went any further. I thanked her, got my change and I looked at the young bloke---I couldn't help myself---so I said to him "So, this old bloke, he's got a walking stick, or you think because he's 60, he should have one"---He looked at me and said "Well 60 is pretty old and he's probably got one"---I laughed and said "So you think he wont be able to get it up at that age"---He said "No way--maybe with some little blue pills or something"
I had to laugh--I couldn't help myself----I said to him "I guess you haven't got many years to look forward to---but I'll tell you something---I'm that old and my partner is 26 and she is happy with our sex life"
He looked stunned and it was the Emo girl who said "With little blue pills?"
"Sorry", I said "It all works well without medication"

I was kind of stunned by their thoughts on age and when things should stop working. My partner thought it was a great joke.
Unfortunately the joke was on me because two days later after hearing from her parents who had been caught in the Queensland floods, my partner decided that she should go home to help them---when I suggested that I go with her to help she had to explain that I was older than her father and that he wouldn't understand---so she went alone. Her parents property was in the path of the cyclone that hit Queensland two weeks ago and she has decided that she is going to stay and wont be coming back.
Oh, and she has told her parents that I was 40---they were outraged and told her she should look for someone about her own age.
Hey, I understand---I suppose if she was my daughter, I would think the same.
But I also hope that I would understand that love has no age restriction.

A happy ending---OK, I'll tell you.

On Thursday I raced into the pet food shop right on closing time---little Emo girl was there---she looked up and smiled and said "I'll just pull in the signs and close the door before anyone else comes in--it's closing time."
She got my order ready, took my money and as she handed me the change she said "You really surprised my friend a few weeks back. Is your partner really only 26?"
I chuckled, but told her that my now ex partner was 26 but she was now gone and told her why.
She said "Oh, that's bad luck--I guess you will have to find another young one"
I explained that I really didn't care about age and at 60, I had a broad range to pick from.
As I was walking for the door she said "So does it really still work without those blue pills?"
I assured her that everything was still in good working order and that I hope that it would get some use soon.

I admit she surprised me when she said "Show me"

Some of these young people are so forward----I'm sure there's rules about that.

10 comments:

♥ The Lyrical Designer ♥ said...

well, i dont think age matters either. My first boyfriend was 10 years older than me and granted it wasnt much of an age difference compared to you and your ex but still, i liked it that way. Plus that was the longest relationship ive ever had. Older men are just more stable than what ive seen.

Hmm...so does the Emo prospect sound like its going to work out? :D

Clyde said...

Lyrical Lady

I'm not sure that older men are more stable---actually, from experience, those my age and a bit younger who aren't or haven't been in long term relationships, seem to be quite unstable and at times, very selfish.
It's funny that happy times seem to develope stereotyping for us and blinkers our outlook to something completely different.
I don't think Emo girl and I have a lot going for us--she is very forward and funny but I'm guessing on quite immature

♥ The Lyrical Designer ♥ said...

Hmm.. you may be right about the selfish part...since people can get set in their ways...but you know.. every single older guy i have dated or been in a relationship with, has treated me like a princess. Sad part is, none of them wanted marriage because of their prior divorces etc etc....sigh. what a pity.

Clyde said...

Lyrical Lady

Some people take past experience as the guide to what will happen in the future----what we all should do is to learn from the experience.
There is little doubt that we have dated or have been in a relationship for the good times and that usually there are many more good times than bad--but we remember the bad times and become wary.
My marriage ended very badly but I will tell you that I was the only one in the court when my divorce was granted and I did shed a tear.
I lost a business and a house, but I also lost a love and a family.
Friends warn me about trying marriage again because I own my house freehold and have some very secure investments and an income--all of which I have worked very hard for---and they warn that it could all get taken again---
For love, I will take the chance---money and possessions will be the last thing on my mind

UBERMOUTH said...

You're an old charmer Clyde[but naughty]. :)

Clyde said...

Uber

Come on, I'm not naughty---just easily led astray

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Age doesn't mean a damn thing (as long as they're legal, that is). When I met The PK, he was 34 and I was 20. Three years later, we were married. This November will be our 19th wedding anniversary (if we don't kill each other first...;)....I kid, I kid.

While I WILL say that I shouldn't have gotten married so young (I was still more or less finding out who I wanted to be...what I really liked and wanted out of life, while The PK was pretty well set in his life), our age difference has never really mattered. The only time it HAS mattered was once or twice when people thought I was his daughter. Of course it was a blow to his pride but one heck of an ego boost to mine, I must say...;)

Anyway, as far as just dating and maybe having a tryst or two? Age is nothing but a number....I say go for it! ;)

Clyde said...

Stacy

Yep, I should have said that they must be legal.
Funny, I have had my partners mistaken for my daughter---but I took it as a compliment to her and to me
Now hang on--thats 20 + 3 + 19----na, that cant be right---you must be confused

Danielle said...

So, did you show her?
I would date any older man and age wouldn't matter to me, however, I would have a problem with a younger guy. Not sure if it is maturity or what, just not for me!

Clyde said...

Danielle

Ha ha ha---I'll leave that to your imagination.
It seems that most girls are happy with an older guy but sometimes I am surprised by the age differences myself----it has been said to me that it is the reliability and stability factors.
When it is the other way around, it does seem that the young guys are just toys for the cougars