Thursday, 27 March 2008

Free BBQ Days

Most of you have just had a 4 day weekend because of a Christian celebration but you didn't have to get a note from the local Godbotherers to show that you weren't just sacrificing a lamb on the BBQ and drinking more piss than a Priest after communion.

Now I was raised in a Christian religion---well so I thought til I read that us Presbyterians were Johnny come latelies and were origonally listed as heathens----thus the sacrifice on my hot plate.
Most of you have the same book in your house that you have never read from cover to cover and have no intention to ever do so. Ok, no stone throwing here, but I'm going to admit to actually reading it once and never having been so confused in my life--oh, except my wedding day----hmm, something else that changed my life.
Now I have no idea what to believe----not my ex wife, that's for sure

So we had last friday off because some Romans (hey, aren't they Catholic) nailed a bloke up on a cross because he was going around preaching about his belief ( note to Jehovas Witnesses )
Now this bloke supposedly forgave the Romans gathered under the cross (right, like I'm gonna do that--you drove nails through my hands you arseholes )
This poor bloke dies up on this cross so they take him down and stick him in a cave---he's dead, they dont bury him, or plug up any of the holes like they really do or embalm him----shit, they just stuck him in a cave.
So two days later, for some reason, someone goes to check on him, presumably to see if he has turned a shade of green, and the fucker has gone.
Now here is the big trick. Apparently he is out wandering around and gone to see his mates-----geez, that would frighten the shit out of you----man, lay down, your dead.
So thats why you got Monday off.

Lucky I'm here to explain this to you

Now, being a bit of an inquisitive bastart and liking things medieval and Celtic I went along to listen to a well respected authority on Celts---and here's the big story.
In Celtic mythology, they say that the bloke didn't die up on that cross and that his mates actually smuggled him and his girlfiend out of the country and eventually to Scotland. No, not the end of the story---supposedly from there, they shot through to France and their lineage (yes, he and MM were doing it)are the French royal family.
Just to add a little credence to this story, the holy grail is supposed to be buried under an extremely thick stone floor of a Scottish abbey----the Scots wont let anyone dig it up but some US scientists with Xray equipment say that something is there.

So no more holidays for you unless you confess your sins---and you might need a few days off for that

And 2008 years later, they reckon he's gonna make a comeback---shit, I reckon the whole world will take a holiday for that---another lamb on the BBQ


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

No four day weekend for me...and I even work for the government! (Well, I took off Monday but I had to use my own damn vacation time).

I was raised Christian niece is Wiccan (she's only two years younger than me so we grew up together...we're more like sisters) and I feel such a strong pull to what she believes in. Which, of course, makes me feel guilty because, as a Christian, you're not supposed to believe in anything but Christianity.

That drives me crazy.

I've watched different things on the History channel and the Discovery channel about the holy grail...that is some very interesting stuff.

Did you ever read (or watch) The DaVinci Code"??? If you haven't you should....that's one VERy interesting movie!


He HAS made a comeback The next time, they need to drive the nails through his head and his tongue.
Nice post, Clyde.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

clyde...Hey babes, I've read it from cover to cover. Really I have. Yep, and I was not confused either. You have to think of it like a nonfiction-slash-fiction novel. Ah, but you have to make choices as to what is real and what is not...or you can just read 'Lolita' by Vladimir Nabokov.

Me...I'm a Smorgasbord Catholic, picking what I want along the way. Um, confession was not one I chose.

Fab post Clyde...Ciao babes.

Clyde said...

Sad that the US governments dont celebrate these days---at least we can plan our 4 days ---even go away for a while.
Witches interest me but in the end they probably take themselves too seriously like devout Christians
I think whatever it is, you should get some comfort from your belief.

Maybe we can organise a sacrifice at his altar---a virgin---
Now where are we gonna find one of them

Spiky Z
It was a crappy read full of so many contradictions
Ah, come on ---confess---you will feel better
We wont listen----
I can see a best seller coming here

Steph said...

Thanks for explaining that. I'm more confuggled than ever!!

Clyde said...

Situation normal
So how do you think I was after reading the book---almost ready to play bagpipes for the Salvos


Great post , Clyde.I tried reading the bible , but I feel asleep.How can that be the best selling book of ALL time?
I much preferred Les Miserable. :)


hahah Clyde; sacrifice at the altar.
That reminds me of a Jim Morrison quote' I sacrificed my cock on the altar of silence.'

Clyde said...

I think it's only a best seller because everyone thinks that they should have one incase the Jehovah Witnesses come calling or to ward off the Mormons----I can see another chapter here