Friday, 13 February 2009


Ok, I have a reputation of being a nice guy----Duh, yep, I know---nice guys finish last
But I also have a reputation of never missing an opportunity

Now, I will sleep through WW111-----my head hits the pillow, I wont wake til alarm time and sometimes, second alarm time.
But Thursday morning, I was wide awake at 5.15am and could not get back to sleep.

Well, ok, I'll take the pooch for a walk on the beach before work----a little dark when we first got there but oh so peaceful. And that dog was in and out of the water and enjoying life to the max

Hey, I'm getting there---don't be fucking impatient.

So it's daylight and we are heading back home when I hear this yelping from a dog and this screaming from a woman-----
Na, come on---I didn't touch her or her dog----well not yet

So I dash on over---well actually, ambled----other early morning dog walkers were just walking past----and I find this rather cute young lady with a Golden Retriever with blood pouring down its leg.
God, this chick is out of control-----no idea, other than her dog is bleeding---

Of course my pooch is very helpful---she wants to play and lick the blood off the dogs leg----good girl.

Now it's early in the morning, and I'm not a morning person, but I do notice that the young lady is very cute and that on a chilly morning, she has no bra beneath her T-shirt-----ah, come on, her head lights were on---you know, the circuit breakers were popped----arrh, come on, her nipples were hard.

Ok, so I check out the dogs leg and find that it has sliced the centre pad on its foot on a broken bottle----almost sliced it off.
Now it's still cool but for some reason, I have taken my pooch's drink bottle with me.
So I clean up the foot and see all of the damage----
I said to the girl 'Hey, you can't walk this dog off the beach----you need to get her to the Vet ASAP and we have to stop this bleeding.
Of course, by pooch is helping out trying to lick as much blood as she can.

Now here is the total fuck up

I said to her---"We have to bandage this leg and you have to get a car down here to transport her and get her to the Vet.

Now, it's her dog---I need bandage-----she is wearing a T-shirt----no bra----and what do I do-------
Yep, say nothing and tear my own bloody T-shirt and bind the dogs leg---
Then I tell her I will stay there with both dogs while she gets her car.

It's a work day, I'm up early------45 fucking minutes it takes her to get back---
I load her dog into the car and she takes off.

So here it is------
I don't ask for her T-shirt----lovely tits
I don't ask her for her name
I don't ask her for her number
And she has gone
I phone the closest Vet, and she hasn't gone there.

I walk home----half a T-shirt----I have a wet dog with blood over it----I clean her up, dry her off, feed her, shower and head to work
I'm an hour late and they are not impressed------til I tell them

Fuck Clyde, you are getting slow
I'll bet I never see her again

Oh, the dog----
She will be alright----plenty of clean bleeding from the live flesh----they will stitch that up----it will take time, but I bet it's eating as only a Retriever or Labrador can

I'm not sure that I will recover


Barlinnie said...

Clyde, make sure you walk the same route everyday until she see's you and hopefully remembers what a helpful heroic fella you was on the day.

Put on clean undercrackers just in case she want's to be very grateful!

... and for the love of all things fucking holy, video it all and post it here!

Clyde said...

Now come on man
Clean ones for an early morning walk----are you really Glaswegian ?

I fucked up man----I'll guarantee I'll never see her again

I am a disgrace


Why the Hell did it take her 45 mins to get back? And why didn't she go to the nearest vet?

Clyde said...

I'm guessing that she lived that far away and she had another Vet
But, I'm a disgrace
No info about the girl and let her keep her T-shirt

Barlinnie said...

Clyde, see you.. you let the home side doon pal. I'll have one of my people come aroond later and take your Scotland tattoo arf wi a hawt spoon, reet?

MommyHeadache said...

Oh balls! you let that one run through your fingers. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you meet this lady again and that her headlights will once again flash in your direction. You will have an easy way in if you bump into her: lots of talk about her dog, how concerned you are about it etc, being Mr Sensitive!

Fanny said...

Clyde, you are going to have to morph into a morning person to meet this chick again. Keep us posted, and good luck!

compulsively yours...for now said...

clyde- dont you know you are suppose to use every chance you get to see the tata's?

I would of ripped my shirt off and bra too, only if necessary of course, and made it worth being an hour late for work.

Cause that is how nice I am.

Clyde said...

I cannae defend ma sel
I'll put the soup spoon on the fire

Clyde said...

I've got it all planned out---
So it's a certainty that I will never see her again.

At least she could buy me a new T-shirt

Clyde said...

I just can't work this morning thing out---
Oh, unless there is a hot body along side me-----then I'm well into dawn busting
Hmmm----maybe I should start taking horny goatweed instead of a multi vitamin

Clyde said...

Do you want to come and walk your dog on my beach ?

Anonymous said... are so sweet. She will find you and give you a proper thank you...I hope!

Happy Valentine's Day!

~Cheeky Kisses~

Kathryn said...

Duuuuude. Seriously? Classic time to get a number or something. Could've just said you wanted to check up on the dog and make sure it was well as the owner. I feel your frustration. Btw, that was a really nice thing to do.

Clyde said...

I will actually be surprised if I ever see her again----never seen her before and I walk that beach on a daily basis

Put it down to one missed chance

Clyde said...


I'm just not a morning person.
Later in the day and I would have had her T-shirt, got my car, driven her to the vet and home---
Had the lot.
Bloody mornings

Hey, but I'm happy that I could help

Ms Scarlet said...

Yep, I hope that next time you see her you get a flash of her golden retriever...
[rhyming slang!]

Clyde said...


I do love a good curly coat golden retriever

Clyde said...

Hey Tyt
Thanks for the visit
Pity I could't read most of it

Anonymous said...

Hi Clyde, I am the girl with the dog. I would have loved to have passed on my number to you, but sadly the "I love guns, tits and snorting cocaine" T shirt kinda put me off.

Poochie is doing fine now, but I am still rather puzzled why you had to take his temperature with that small funny pink sausage-like thing, you had attached to your groin area.

It rather looked just like a cock.. only smaller.

Anyhow.. I shall be on the beach again on Friday morning, and would love to show you my appreciation. As we speak I'm currently shaving poochies rear end for you.

See you there big(ish) boy.
Love n stuff, Samantha xxx


You can't blame 'Samantha' here,as she has not seen a 'cock' in so long she could not draw one from memory.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

clyde: sweet sweet clyde. You at least wer able to get a sneaky peaky at her erect nipples.

Lucky guy. :D

Sweetie you'll see her again...just wait.

Hey you can have my telephone's 1-900-spank-m...hehehehe. Um...hehehe. I almost gave you my work phone.

Ciao honey.

Clyde said...

Ah Samantha
I'm guessing that you may have been on another beach.
My T-shirt had only one word on it
But sweets, I have no doubt that I have probably fucked your mother once or twice so. She can give you some idea on size. Geez, I hope I'm not your father
You do have to pity a girl who shaves her dogs arse for strangers---hmm because she knowns that her head and snapper couldn't attack a robbers dog-----maybe a pest controller could delouse that infested cavern of yours and you could get some action down at the homeless shelter.
Good luck sweets

Clyde said...

You are so unkind
She could be kin to me
I reckon she has been checking out doggy dicks on the beach

Clyde said...

Oh my sweet Miss Jones
I do remember the nipples but funnily enough, I remember more about her face and her pain.
Just one of those people you will never see again----
As long as her pooch is OK

Oh, I tried that number and they said you were out---
Maybe you could email me another

Barlinnie said...

If you ask me.. Samantha sounds like a lesbian. Which one was the dog again?

Clyde said...

Ah Jimmy, I doubt that the lovely ladies from Lesbos would own up to Samantha.
Tis more like she is a bitter and twisted bovine who needs a little tender kiss---from Glasgow

phishez said...

Suddenly morning don't look so bad, do they?

Clyde said...

Yep, it looked good-----
But I still think that morning should start a little later
Another week or two and I'll try the early morning again.
Ya just never know

-eve- said...

Lol. This was a GOOD story :-) If I'd been her, I'd have asked for your name - if you had given it but volunteered no further information, I wouldn't have pressed you ;-) ah well... :-)

Clyde said...

And I would have given you my name.
And if I had thought faster, I would have asked you for your T-shirt
But now it's just a memory

phishez said...

Hum. Just make sure its the same day as it was last time.

Clyde said...

Bloody hell Phish
I dont want to get up that early any day
I need all of the beauty sleep that I can get