Saturday, 3 July 2010


I am the end of the line

My father was an only child but produced two sons
My brother died young without having married or produced children and you know my story---no kids, so I am the end of the line.

My father told me that he did not want to be buried when he died---he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered on our local beach.
My brother asked me to have him cremated and his ashes scattered at the State Athletics track----he was a coach, a national coach who had devoted his life to his sport---he had been appointed to the Olympic coaching panel about a month before his cancer was diagnosed and died before he could live his dream.
My mother decided that she wanted her ashes spread on our beach with the ashes of my old Labrador but with a smirk on her face, asked that I move them down the beach a little from where my fathers were spread.

As part of my inheritance, I gained control of my father's family burial plot at the local cemetery and thus the fate of the remains of my paternal great grandfather and all of those who followed---a total of nine.

So of course, the year after I take control, the 99 year lease on the plot expires and I am asked to renew the lease or the plot will be resumed by the cemetery trust.

Resumed, what does that mean---well they will take it back and any remains buried there will be buried deeper and the plot used by someone else.
OK, that's easy, I'll lease the plot again for another 99 year---but no----leases are now for a maximum of 25 years.
So I have this responsibility to my family and I haven't visited the grave for 10 years, so I go to see what I should do.
The headstones that were there were faded and unless you knew the history, they were unreadable-----those of a great uncle and three children were missing.

Well, my parents aren't there and my brother has his place and I can only get a 25 year lease and then what----so I decided to exhume all of the remains, have them cremated and spread them on the beach----great plan Clyde til I am told that it will cost $1500 per person to dig them up---that's nine times $1500---then each must be removed by a funeral director individually and they must be cremated individually ---got a bulk deal there---$5,000 for the lot----and I have to get a health inspector there for the day and pay his wages, get Court Orders supported by the Attorney General---do it yourself, around $2,000---
So it's going to cost me $20,000 plus and I only met two of these people and don't even remember them------that plan was dismissed, as was a new 25 year lease because there was no one to continue with it after me.

My friends / executors know that there should be a gathering at the local pub for all of those who would like a last drink and that my ashes should be on the beach with the rest of the clan---that's fine and I am content with that.
But with no monument stones at the cemetery and the rest of us being on the beach, who will ever know that we have been here---a whole family gone without a trace.
A man from Denmark took a chance on life and came to Australia alone and started his own new world legacy and no one will remember.---I can't let that happen

So that $20,000 that I can't spend now can come out of my estate and I have done a deal with the local council that they will erect two beach front seats, overlooking my beach, with all of my family's names on little brass plaques on the back of the top rail.
Maybe no one will read them but maybe someone will and remember that we were here


The Invisible Seductress said...

But don't leave until we have a beer or 10 together... ;)

Clyde said...

Oh sweet seductress, I would like to hang around for a few years to have a drink or two with a good few people
Of course, if I ever set foot on Nth American soil, I will be in touch---I have Britain and Europe to visit first---something to do with a Scottish / Danish heritage

mapstew said...

I think you will be remembered by quite a few people pal!

Now don't forget that pint ya owe me! :¬)

Clyde said...

If we ever cross paths, I will be please to buy you a pint or two

Ponita in Real Life said...

Not without a trace, Clyde... you've left your mark scattered all over the Ethernet. Those benches are a hot commodity up here in my neck of the woods... great idea!

Sister Christian said...

That's a lovely idea, Clyde. People will definitely read those plaques and wonder who those people were. Whenever I go to a park or somesuch place, I always like to see if there are any plaques and read them. And having a family member who came from one country to another on their own is something that should never be forgotten. It won't be seeing as it's on the internet now. Can't really erase the internet...right?

Clyde said...


Maybe I can start up a bench seat memorial company.
Hey, the Ethernet get renewed every second and it wont be too many seconds before any contribution is forgotten

Clyde said...

Sister Deb
It is almost a frontier adventure that my great grandfather left all of his family to sail to the other side of the world---at least my maternal grandfather brought his wife and four kids.
Ha, can't erase the internet---had to have another hard drive installed last week---that's three this year and I lose all of my files and links---now I have to find all of that free porn again

Dutch Sugar Babe said...

Hey, Denmark water borders with The Netherlands so I expect a visit from you.

The engraved brass memorial plaques are a beautiful way to keep the family name alive.
But don't 'disappear' into thin air now!

Good luck with finding your free stash again.

Clyde said...


Hey, I want to visit Denmark sometime, just to say I have set foot on my great grandfathers land---and if I do, how could I get so close and not come and say hello.
Of course, you have a place to stay in Australia

I've decided that thin air is not the way to go---
Oh, the stash--yep, I have found some---even some Dutch----ooh, those Dutch girls

phishez said...

That really sounds lovely Clyde.

I always read memorial plaques. Someone will see it.

Anonymous said...

Those benches are a wonderful idea!
Maybe you could put a short passage on the plaques...
Here lies Clyde's Clan. If not for their generosity and love of a well rounded buttock cheeks, you'd be stuck sitting on the ground...

Macy said...

Clyde - The bench is a good plan - but I'm still getting over the cost of garden benches in Aus. $20,000 sounds like a lot of bench if you ask me

Clyde said...


I guess I really don't care if they read it---I just care that it's there for them to read

Clyde said...

I love it
And to think of all of those girls sitting on my plaque

Clyde said...

A truly Scottish reply----think of the dollars and cents---
Well ok, I agree---but there is no family to leave the money to, so friends and friends children get the loot---
But $20,000----gets me the seats, plus a fenced area maintained by the council---and maintenance forever


That's very touching.

I think too you should make a time capsule of your family history. :)

KJ said...

This is why I'm being cremated, and having my ashes scattered up in Woomera, where I was born.

No one has to worry about the expense of a head stone, or gravesite...and no one will dig up my remains in a 100 years time.

I personally think it's disgusting that a grave site isn't left alone forever... "Rest in Peace"?

fingers said...

Grim topic, you miserable c*nt !!!
But I do like the idea of the beachfront long as you don;t spend eternity with fat chicks sitting on you eating chips...

Clyde said...


A time capsual for someone to dig up or not---probably get eaten by the super rats

Clyde said...


I guess Woomera is a quiet place but the sea will do me---washed away or not.
Unfortunately most grave sites in cemeteries are just leases with an expiry date

Clyde said...

Like you haven't had some fat chick sitting on you before--and no, that wasn't fish