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Friday, 14 August 2009

STATISTICS

Don't you just love statistics?
Those little figures and percentages that come out of nowhere about all sorts of shit that you have no interest in what so ever.

But then there is one that just strikes you as interesting----well, actually amazing.

Three in the one week, this week

30% of Australian women live in a marriage characterised by violence.
That is an amazing statistic and on face value I am ashamed to be an Australian man---and that would probably be the thoughts of most guys.

But then I thought---hmmmm, live in a marriage characterised by violence
OK, I lived in a marriage characterised by violence-----and before you throw stones---the violent one was the 4'11" woman that I was married to
My ex wife couldn't have a disagreement with me, followed by a logical spirited conversation-----no, it was her way or a slap, scratch, punch, tear clothes, scream and then tears----which, by her account, would always be my fault-----geez, the lies I told when I went to work with a black eye.
Hey sorry, no matter how violent she got, I could not hit back----ya just don't hit a girl.

And then I remembered a beautiful young lady who I worked with who regularly came to work with cuts, scratches and bruises----her partner was a rather large bear but didn't seem like a bad bloke.
Finally I lost my cool and said to her that if she came in with the signs of a beating again, I was coming around to see how tough he was with a bloke.
She begged me not to and told me that it was all her fault----I sat her down and told her that it was never her fault and that he needed to be taught that.
But she convinced me----she told me that she was a bit of a control freak and that she baited and baited him til he lost his cool----and that's how it always happened.
So I went around and saw him and told him to get in the car and come to my place for a beer before he belted her-----he did that for about two years before it all settled down------hey, they are still together and no more beltings and no more baitings.

So what I am saying is----live in a marriage characterised by violence----hmmm, but who is the violent one---and who is baiting who.

Sad-----Don't hit girls----good rule to live by-----if you feel like it, then just come and have a beer with Clyde

OK, well there was another two stats this week----and I love them----and if you put them together, you can make up your own stats.

75% of Brits are too lazy to have sex-----geez, you can do it laying down.

And, 40% of women have never masturbated-----ah, come on--if you have it you have to play with it.

OK, so if you break those stats down, 75% of those 40% of British women aren't even getting into owner operating-----so what the fuck are you ladies doing----are you watching too much TV, eating too many caramel creams, too many G & Ts, over indulging on the iced vovos .

So if we say the British population is 50% male and 50% female and that it is all of the guys that are too lazy and only half the females, then just give me a yell and I'll buy a ticket and come on over
Accuse me of anything, but never of being too lazy for sex

10 comments:

Scarlet-Blue said...

Blimey! Too much maths! It's hurt my head...
I'll have to go and lay down now..
Sx

UBERMOUTH said...

They're watching footie and drinking down at the local.

Clyde said...

Miss Scarlet

Ok, I'll be around in half an hour---put the kettle on.

Clyde said...

Uber

What, there isn't a half time break in the footie ?
Just enough time to score

mapstew said...

clyde, did you know that 99% of all bald Irish singers are too sexy for their shirts?!

Hope you're havin' a good weekend.

Clyde said...

Stew
That's not a statistic---that's just a fact
Well, so you say
Having a little punt on the ponies today.
Enjoy your weekend---and keep that shirt on

Jules said...

Maybe the Aussie women should masturbate with the British women and the Aussie men can drink beer with the British men and then we'd all be happy.

Well, I wouldn't be because I'm a Kiwi woman.

Clyde said...

Geez Jules
Aussie men are too busy chasing any women after they have a few beers.
That statistic says that they don't masturbate---it doesn't say that they dont play

Spiky Zora Jones said...

clyde: I once told a girl that punched me on the jaw then backed away realizing what she had done..."If you were a man I'd knock your teeth down your throat."

I don't look dangerous...but I am, really. I was a bit pissed off. It would be no match. She was a little thing 5'3" max. One of my punches or kicks and she is out for sure. I just didn't want to hurt her anymore...you see she punched me because I was breaking up with her...do I still get to have a beer with you. bring out the shrimps and bar-b-q.

masturbating...hehehe. I'm part of the 60%. And I'd rather be...um, youkow than sitting watching television...but hey, doing it and watching porn...rocks.

er, so I've heard. :)

later clyde sweetie. xxx

Clyde said...

Ah Miss Jones
I don't know why people wan't to punch----just seems kina dumb and out of control to me.
The beers in the fridge---if we run out there is another fridge full in the shed---just push the champagne out of the way.

Hey, if you got it, you might just as well play with it---
And if it feels good, do it.
Ok, I'veloaded the porn in the player---just push the go button---no, no, the one on the remote
Bad girl