Wednesday, 18 March 2009


The Global Facts ...

At Any Given Moment:

79,876,301 people are engaged in intercourse right now.

58,704,827 are kissing.

37,490,625 are relaxing after having sex.

1 lonely bugger is reading blog posts.

You hang in there sunshine!


scarlet-blue said...

I knew I was missing out on something...

Jimmy Bastard said...

...and the percentage of people sitting on a glesga rangers lavvy seat with no troosers on, reading the sports pages and eating a toasty piece would be what?

Also taking into account that I'm wearing a funny hat, one sock, I have Daniel O'Donnell blaring in the background, and a missus being sick through the drink.

The odds have got to be worth a punt at let's say....10 billion to 1?

Clyde said...

Miss Blue
My sweet, I am guessing you are only missing out on what you cant be bothered participating in

Clyde said...

Ah Jimmy

Are we counting Rangers supporters as average people in this world ?
As for you, well my big mate, you are just on a wee green and white leave of absence
Performance will resume by the end of the week

bunny said...

I wish I was one of those 79,876,301, I am so bored right now. I want a job that isn't in a cube!


hahahaaha Good post.Funny guy.

Clyde said...

Ah beautiful Bunny
Cubes are a little demoralising---but I keep telling people to treat them like an office----speak up, fart----care factor zero----it's your space and they can hear---thats their problem
sorry, that was 79,876,302----but I'm now reading blogs

Clyde said...

Hey Uber

It was a night where I wasnt the one guy

Fanny F said...

Does that mean that only 46% of people relax after sex? What do the others do?

mapstew said...

They go home Fanny, they go home.

Compulsively Yours...for now said...

why am i always on the outside looking in?

EmmaK said...

You forgot the couple even sadder than the lonely blogger who attached a dildo to a saber saw and post-coitally ended up in the ER. Warning: don't try this at home.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for thinking of me, Clyde :(

Clyde said...


Personally, I was having a cigarette before going back for seconds
So why did you get up and grab the champagne and orange chocolate ?
I was ready and you weren't here.


Why would you go home----there is seconds to be had

Clyde said...


It's because you are a pervert
Now come inside and get back into bed----wehave business to take care of.


Well, the were actually having sex----a little adventurous but sex.
Yep, never take the power tools to bed----it's a bastard getting the pubes out of your router


Geez sweets, I thought you were in the doing or relaxing group.
Time to get those knees apart

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Clyde, I'm one lonely bugger reading this blog post...but I've had sex...woo hoo

I had veggeies for lunch and wha-hey...there was a huge cucumber left.

Lucky 0me. hehehe.

Cause I was still hungry. What did you think I was going to do with it?????


You are naughty...come here so I can spank you. :D

Ciao sweetie.

Anonymous said...


Fanny F said...

Oh, so that's where you went. I thought you wanted to avoid a "saw your own arm off" morning wake up.

Clyde said...

Yer yer Toni
When have to ever been the lonely one-----geez, even the vegetables aren't safe around you.
Ok, I'm gonna bend over one last time-----then lady, it's your turn


Hey dont faint honey---you know what guys are like when you pass out----hey, as long as the body is warm

Clyde said...

OOOH, Fanny
I aint sawing any arm off----I'm ready for Fanny for breakfasy, Fanny for lunch and I'm cooking roast beef for dinner for you to get your strength up

Fanny F said...

Beef ... goody. I need a bit of meat.

Clyde said...


I hope you like your meat well done.
Oh, could you pick me up a new toothbrush---I cant keep using yours

Fanny F said...

New toothbrush? Sure honey! And remember for next time, I keep the XL condoms in the right hand drawer.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Damn... I'm one of the lonely blog readers.


It's been much too long...

Clyde said...

That's fine
I always carry my own
Then I know you haven't been pin pricking them


I've heard of complaints for being too short but never too long
Everyone to her own
Oh, no, I haven't had complaints.
Goldie Locks said it was just right