LIFE IS FUNNY

So out of the blue I get a phone call from my ex next door neighbour of 7 years.

"Hello Clyde, it's MG---do you remember me ?"
"Of course I remember you M---my god, who would forget a very attractive young lady and I only left 3 years ago"
"Thanks Clyde---I'm sorry what happened between you and your ex wife but I think you are better off out of there"
"Thanks M, I am sure you are right and I am divorced and everything is settled---so how is that arsehole of a husband of yours?"
"Ha Clyde, you never did like him and you will be pleased to know that it is all over between us"

Well my ears pricked up---here was this young divorced cutie phoning me---hmmm, I could be in here.

"So Clyde, the reason I'm calling is that I have this girlfriend who is really nice---quite old fashioned---separated for 6 months and is lonely---she is very religious and doesn't get out to meet anyone and I was telling her about you---that you are a nice guy and I would phone you"
"M, that's kind of you but I am not religious and not really into meeting blind dates"
"Look Clyde, what could it hurt---she has a couple of kids---they are away this weekend---she is not into casual sex but she is fun----come on Clyde, do it for me"

"M, what about we get together instead,---I always fancied you"
"No, not now--come on do it for me"
"Ok, M, for you---but you owe me"

So I go and meet this very religious girl and M is not wrong.
She is a nice young lady---attractive, very old fashioned and was actually holding a meeting for some of her fellow church goers when I arrived.
They left soon after but not before I got the third degree from three women.
Our first meeting only took two hours in which time she told me the story of her life---not a lot to tell---and that she wasn't interested in sex or anything casual.
I left her house cursing M for sending me off to some strange creature and was sure that I would never see her again.

I had been home for less than an hour and the phone rang---it was her---she had got my number from M-----I had created some sort of impression---she wanted to see me again----the next night.
Hey, I wasn't doing anything so I thought why not----just one more time.

I didn't even make it to her front door----she was out, grabbed me and with her tongue down my throat had me pinned to the front wall of the house.
She apologised and said she hadn't kissed a man for a long time----took me inside and started setting ground rules of no sex, no booze and it would take her forever to trust anyone again.
She left the room to get us a cold drink and I was planning my escape when she returned, sat on my lap, forced her tongue down my throat and guided my hand to her ample breasts.
Ok,I was a little confused but when she unzipped me and had my cock in her mouth, I just lost the will to think.
We had sex in every position that I knew, on the floor, on the couch, in the kitchen, in her bed----she was loud, she was athletic and she was willing---I was the one calling for God.
Then she shocked me----"Clyde, I've never had it in the arse---I've always wanted to but it's never happened---so if you want to I want it"

Now who am I to disappoint a lady

Her kids were going to be home in the morning so I left in the early hours
I couldn't help but think about her---really I think it was shock---but hey, she was a nice girl and the sex was great.
She phoned me early
She had been thinking and had decided that we shouldn't see each other again and she asked me not to tell M

Ok---why not----a little weird.

M phoned me and apologised for her friend and asked me around for dinner
We had dinner and a few drinks and talked for hours
She said "Clyde, I'm sorry about my friend---I know you have always fancied me---look, you are not really my type but I owe you"
So I got a long night and half a day of passion with M

Why should I complain----a two for.
I have never seen either of them again.
But M did tell her ex husband about our night----

So he had to phone me----
Stupid bastard wanted some sort of payback
M had told me that he was into call girls

So he said to me "Clyde, I bet you didn't know that your ex wife is on the game"
"Well G, actually yes, I did know"
"Yep, I called a service the other night and she came"
I laughed
He said "What are you laughing at Clyde"
'Well G---you are pissed off that I had a great night with M and you want to tell me about my ex----but mate, what you paid for, I used to get for nothing---and she was bloody good-----oh, and so was your ex wife"
Bye G