LIFE IS FUNNY

So out of the blue I get a phone call from my ex next door neighbour of 7 years.

"Hello Clyde, it's MG---do you remember me ?"
"Of course I remember you M---my god, who would forget a very attractive young lady and I only left 3 years ago"
"Thanks Clyde---I'm sorry what happened between you and your ex wife but I think you are better off out of there"
"Thanks M, I am sure you are right and I am divorced and everything is settled---so how is that arsehole of a husband of yours?"
"Ha Clyde, you never did like him and you will be pleased to know that it is all over between us"

Well my ears pricked up---here was this young divorced cutie phoning me---hmmm, I could be in here.

"So Clyde, the reason I'm calling is that I have this girlfriend who is really nice---quite old fashioned---separated for 6 months and is lonely---she is very religious and doesn't get out to meet anyone and I was telling her about you---that you are a nice guy and I would phone you"
"M, that's kind of you but I am not religious and not really into meeting blind dates"
"Look Clyde, what could it hurt---she has a couple of kids---they are away this weekend---she is not into casual sex but she is fun----come on Clyde, do it for me"

"M, what about we get together instead,---I always fancied you"
"No, not now--come on do it for me"
"Ok, M, for you---but you owe me"

So I go and meet this very religious girl and M is not wrong.
She is a nice young lady---attractive, very old fashioned and was actually holding a meeting for some of her fellow church goers when I arrived.
They left soon after but not before I got the third degree from three women.
Our first meeting only took two hours in which time she told me the story of her life---not a lot to tell---and that she wasn't interested in sex or anything casual.
I left her house cursing M for sending me off to some strange creature and was sure that I would never see her again.

I had been home for less than an hour and the phone rang---it was her---she had got my number from M-----I had created some sort of impression---she wanted to see me again----the next night.
Hey, I wasn't doing anything so I thought why not----just one more time.

I didn't even make it to her front door----she was out, grabbed me and with her tongue down my throat had me pinned to the front wall of the house.
She apologised and said she hadn't kissed a man for a long time----took me inside and started setting ground rules of no sex, no booze and it would take her forever to trust anyone again.
She left the room to get us a cold drink and I was planning my escape when she returned, sat on my lap, forced her tongue down my throat and guided my hand to her ample breasts.
Ok,I was a little confused but when she unzipped me and had my cock in her mouth, I just lost the will to think.
We had sex in every position that I knew, on the floor, on the couch, in the kitchen, in her bed----she was loud, she was athletic and she was willing---I was the one calling for God.
Then she shocked me----"Clyde, I've never had it in the arse---I've always wanted to but it's never happened---so if you want to I want it"

Now who am I to disappoint a lady

Her kids were going to be home in the morning so I left in the early hours
I couldn't help but think about her---really I think it was shock---but hey, she was a nice girl and the sex was great.
She phoned me early
She had been thinking and had decided that we shouldn't see each other again and she asked me not to tell M

Ok---why not----a little weird.

M phoned me and apologised for her friend and asked me around for dinner
We had dinner and a few drinks and talked for hours
She said "Clyde, I'm sorry about my friend---I know you have always fancied me---look, you are not really my type but I owe you"
So I got a long night and half a day of passion with M

Why should I complain----a two for.
I have never seen either of them again.
But M did tell her ex husband about our night----

So he had to phone me----
Stupid bastard wanted some sort of payback
M had told me that he was into call girls

So he said to me "Clyde, I bet you didn't know that your ex wife is on the game"
"Well G, actually yes, I did know"
"Yep, I called a service the other night and she came"
I laughed
He said "What are you laughing at Clyde"
'Well G---you are pissed off that I had a great night with M and you want to tell me about my ex----but mate, what you paid for, I used to get for nothing---and she was bloody good-----oh, and so was your ex wife"
Bye G

BIG PICTURE

There will be so many times in your life that you will see something, just take it that you have seen it and never see beyond it.




Who were they ?
Or is it they ?---well it must be---one person couldn't stand like that
So they were toe to toe----what were they doing ?
They were each standing on one leg because there is no other print
Did they only have one leg each ?
Were they kissing ?
Were they in love ?

Every picture tells a story

I just saw my girl coming out of the sea



But there it is
A golden path across the water
Mother nature in all of her glory showing me something I was too busy to see.

Another blogger said that Mother nature could come and beautify the desert that she lives near.
But a desert isn't ugly to someone who lives by the sea
It may appear that way if you see it every day or you wished that you lived elsewhere.
But I have spent time in a desert----I have never seen a bigger more imposing night sky-----I have never seen lightening filling the whole sky before----I have never before walked across sand that filled my footprints as I passed

She is a strange Dame this nature
Beauty everywhere but we just don't see it

Step back and take a look

COMFORT

I've known her forever
She was with me when I walked the beach in anger when my brother died.
She saw me cry, she heard me yell, she saw me stumble through the dark.
She said nothing yet there was that feeling of comfort

She made the day so warm and bright when I spread his ashes.

She was there when my dog plunged into the surf and played with dolphins.
She watched as they followed us for miles---she has seen us do that walk many times.
She knows that I love the solitude of the beach and she doesn't interfere

She was there in the angry winds of winter, when my dog and I spread my father ashes on the beach. I could feel her love, I could feel her power.

She has seen my tears, she has heard my anger, she has taken away my frustrations.

I felt the warmth of her breath before I opened my eyes
I could sense her presence---I could hear her breathing
I could see her beauty shining through before I wiped the sleep from my eyes
I could feel her
And there she was----- on my pillow
I am in awe of her
And I know she will be there tomorrow and all of the tomorrows
She will be with me til I am no longer

ONLY GUYS---YER, RIGHT

Someone told me that women dont fart until they get married----Cos until then they don't have an arsehole

Well

HEAVENLY

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, & the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark
"Good luck Mr.Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or
American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.

Mr.Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid
next door walks on the moon!"

This has supposedly been confirmed as a true story.

But I'm betting that she didn't pay up.