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Friday, 18 April 2008

WANKERS WANTED

Jebus, I said I wouldn't post very often but now two in two days.---Prolific, that's the word.
But when the local newspaper gives you blog fodder, you just have to share.

There it is in the paper---there is a shortage of sperm donors for local fertility clinics. This has occured since it became standard practice to identify the donors---yep, who wants to be indentified as a wanker.

You have to love this bit---The clinical director said that they now only had a "handful" of donors.-----yes Mr / Ms Director, that's how they do it.
Now they are forced to tell women to bring their own----what next--a BYO sperm bank.

Here is the big worry---"The director is concerned that women who cannot find a donor, could source sperm in other ways and inseminate themselves"----heaven forbid, they are gonna go out and get a root-----geez, is that radical.

Now come on folks, this isn't funny
There are single women out there who dont want to part the knees to allow access to a spitting meat sausage but would love to be inseminated via a turkey baster.---hey, its their choice. And who can blame them when you know that once that snake is out from behind the zipper, it wants a dip in every orifice of the female form.
And there are married couples out there and the guy's taddies are doing backstroke so they need a bit of a hand----there it is---hand again.

So here's the deal.
All of you blokes who like to give the snake a bit of a vigorous shake and are siphoning your taddies down the dunny drain or wiping them off on your mother's curtains, why dont you go down to the wanking room of the local fertility clinic and deposit a little donation in the provided cup.
Now I dont have any experience here but I'm sure that they provide you with a selection of appropriate magazines or maybe a film or two (No, not Lassie comes home, you pervert).
I don't think that the nurse will give you a hand, but you can always ask---if you get a yes to that, please let me know.

So get out there and wank for the good of the world. Your Mother will be proud.

Oh, you dont try to hit the cup on the table---hold it close and drain the last drop.

I think they actually pay you to wank.
If you really think that it's a sin, put the fee in the plate on Sunday---dont get it confused---wank in the cup, money in the plate

Girls---if you dont want to swallow, maybe you could dash down to the bank and spit in the cup.

PS:--Just a thought---maybe when you give blood, they can have a little milking machine thingy and take a little milky donation----geez, that could raise your blood pressure

27 comments:

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Damn...if they had a machine like that to "take care of the guys" while they were giving blood, I'm fairly sure there'd be no blood shortages, you know? ;)

And we once had to have The PK's swimmers tested when I was trying to get pregnant. What a friggin' trial THAt was. But that's a story for another blog post.

Clyde said...

Stacy
See a two for one deal---plenty of bloody and plenty of banked deposits.
Yep, had to do that myself---early bathroom wank and drop it in on the way to work.
Results came back that I should wear my underwear on the outside and get a big S on my T shirt---pity my ex was still on the pill and a liar

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Yeah, The PK was the same...his swimmers were champs too. I kinda had a hunch it was ME with the problem all along but Doc's wanted to test him because he was getting to "that age", they said. (And testing his swimmers was a lot easier (and more pleasurable) than slicing me open yet again for another surgery).

That's HORRIBLE and downright fucking mean for your ex to have done that to you.

Clyde said...

Stacy
Ah, that was my girl
Things got worse from there.
But the sex was good

ann said...

That's terrible Clyde....what a biotch!! The sperm bank is an easy way for a guy to make a few extra bucks.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Um...I know something about this. No bank for me. I actually had sex with ex b/f for the purpose to getting pregnant. he agreed after a like a minute of us trying to convince him. He has fathered both my boys. Hey it was fun...we had to go off for abbout 5 weekends for it to take and let me tell you...there were a few times, I did swallow...what the hell, huh? I got carried away in the moment.
psst...the last two weekends we went off together... I was already pregnant. I just wanted more, bad girl huh Well I had to make sure...you know.

What I can't figure out is my lil one looks like my girl more than Vince and me, ...wtf! I actually think it's adorable that he does. Same color hair and smile.

Ciao abbes...have a fab weekend.

Clyde said...

Ann
I think the sadest thing is when people in relationships / marriages, cant be honest with each other. End result for me is I have no family.
Maybe I can put a deposit in the bank.

Spiky Z
You are a naughty girl going back for the extras.
But, yes, why not get it straight from the tap than from the turkey baster.
Hey, they have studs for horses, why not for us---geez, I can see a new career for me.
I think its great that bubs looks like your girl

Fanny F said...

I had 2 male friends, both married, who donated "directly" - one to a lesbian, the other a lady desperate for a baby with her biological clock ticking. It was completely cool with everyone, so why not?

The thought of that milking machine thingy is strangely arousing...

Clyde said...

Fanny
Hey, I agree. If everyone is cool about it, then why go for the wank and turkey baster.
Geez, I thought up the little milking thingy and got a little stired in the loins about it.
But I'm gonna phone Red Cross on monday to suggest it

Catherine said...

Can you imagine if the 'milking machine' sells - there will never be a need for blood drives again or sperm donors for that matter. ha!

Keshi said...

Hey Clyde tnxx for stopping by my blog :)

**The clinical director said that they now only had a "handful" of donors.-----yes Mr / Ms Director, that's how they do it.

LMAO!


So r ya gonna help the sperm banks? *ahem*


Keshi.

Clyde said...

Catherine.
I think I can make a dollar with this idea.

Keshi
I been over lurking before but never left a note.
Well, I think I should do my little bit for mankind
Geez, a world full of Clydes

Keshi said...

Everybody Loves Clyde! ;-)

Keshi.

Clyde said...

Keshi
You should tell my ex wife that

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Love the new look you've got going on your blog, Clyde. :)

Clyde said...

Stacy
Had to get that peacful beach in there some how

UBERMOUTH said...

I am glad I had not eaten before this post. Love your new lay out Clyde.

ann said...

You could make a fortune and have all kinds of little "Clyde's"running around to boot. Your time will come, don't worry.

ann said...

Forgot to ask where you got that picture of my Boyfriend???? Love it

Clyde said...

Uber
I've told you---swallow
Love that you're back
Had some time to redecorate while you were away

Ann
I think that time has gone.
But I will live in hope---an army of Clydes
Found the layout at pyzam.com
Have a look---free downloads

Keshi said...

ex-wives dun need to know ur loved now ;-)

Keshi.

Clyde said...

Keshi
She already knows.
But she thinks it's my Golden Labrador

Deborah said...

Bahahaha! That was awesome! If I were a dude, I would totally head down to the closest sperm donor clinic and wank away like it was nobody's business.
I could spit, but after finding out the benefits of swallowing, spitting is no longer an option for me.

Keshi said...

haha Clyde!

awww...

Keshi.

Clyde said...

Deborah
If you were a dude, you would be too busy to wank, chasing spunky chicks like Deborah.
I dont think you are ever gonna forget to swallow

Kali said...

If I was a guy I would definitely do this! I think though that some guys would be weirded out that there might be a kid out there someday who is actually their son...

And sorry, but I swallow.

Clyde said...

Kali
I think I would be happy to know that there were kids out there that I helped conceive---and that I heped someone achieve an aim.
Of course you would do it---wanking for money---why not.
Swallow----good girl---and its good for you