Friday, 11 April 2008


My parents were very big on sex education
About the time that I started to sprout a few pubes, my father walked into my bedroom, threw this little book on my bed and said "here, you had better read this".

Now I know what you're thinking---cool father, giving his son his first taste of porn or at least a titty book----well, sorry--but it was a little book on the human body. Ok, it did have drawings of some girlie bits but nothing I hadn't seen before playing pants down doctors and nurses with the girl next door.
No girls in my family, so was I surprised when she dropped her pants and there was no dick and she assured me that she could pee though that thing even without a straw.
And bugger me if she doesnt get to the age of sprouting a pube or two and having a bit of swelling in the chest area and she doesnt want to play pants down any more.
Now this is where girls confused me---four years later she wanted to show me her tits and take her own pants down---you never know what they want.

Anyway, I got off the track
So I've read the little book and dear old Dad asks if I have any questions---obviously it was a rhetorical question because he was out of there before I could speak.
Now next comes this family health book the size of the Australian Constitution with an instruction of "you can look through this"
Well, there it was--MASTURBATION

You may well think that this was an instruction manual on how to do it but no, no, no. There it was, chapter and verse on the evils of self operating your own organ.
If I do this I'm going to hell. I'm gonna grow hair on the palms of my hands. Every one will know because of the big black circles under my eyes and I'm gonna go blind.

Well that put me off for a few months but there was some sort of comfort in playing with it when it reared up for no known reason----and there was this talk at school about ear popping experiences and how good it made them feel.
So being a fairly rational sort of kid, I worked out that I could probably do it a little bit and no one will notice the hairs on my palms and I could wear glasses like other kids at school.
Now some of the lads had said something about rubbing it raw---that worried me---but a couple of the smarter masturbators had been lubricating with vaseline or some skin cream and that seemed like the go.
Well, my father used to do some leather work so he had some vaseline down in the shed. Dad was out walking the dog and Mum was cooking dinner so into the shed I went to give this thing a go.
I dont know what I was expecting but about 20 strokes into it, I started to wonder what all the fuss was all about---maybe I wasnt doing it fast enough or maybe it was pull only and you had to let go between strokes----all of these thought were racing though my mind when, fuck me, it went off in my hand.
Jebus, I'll swear that my ears popped and I went weak at the knees and this stuff just spurted out and then kept on oozing
It was exciting yet frightenning but I had joined the successful masturbators club.

So when they say that you will continue to revisit your youth, I have to agree.
But dont call me a wanker, I'm just an owner operator

Now a bit of information for the ladies.
Google Lecithin
You will find claims that it assists in the ---
Relief of Arthritis
Fat Metabolism
Fat Transportation in the body
Improvement of memory
And maintaining the health of hair and skin.

What you need to know now is that semen is more than 80% Lecethin

Spit ?


Stacy The Peanut Queen said...



Fanny said...

Help Clyde! My arthritis is playing up and I'm starting to forget things.

Great first wank story, by the way. :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I knew it! I so knew it. My face always seemed smoother and healthier when I...had it on my face. It was so a turn on. PLus...I could eat anything, cake and candy...and not gain weight, when I was on regular diet of man juice. I always kind of wondered if there was a connection.

fab post babes...I have to go find me a man...cause I am so craving a big HUGE piece of chocolate cake with chocolate icing and I don't want to have to work out the rest of the week to get rid of it.

hehehe. ^Yay...for parents. Yay on masterbation! I'd do a flip wouldn't be able to see that I don't have panties on, so what's the use. hehehe

Ciao babes...have a fabulous weekend.

Clyde said...

Good girl. But dont gulp, it's not ladylike

It's always a pleasure to help a damsel in distress.
With your symptoms, I would think that you need a course of treatment---at least four or five

Spiky Z
I have no experience myself, but they tell me that it changes taste according to what a guy has eaten.
So maybe you could feed him chocolate and get your fix and treatment at the same time. I read somewhere that it has no calories. Hmm, if it tastes like what you eat, maybe mine would taste like pussy.
Hey, flip, I will dream

Fanny said...

I will comply with your diagnosis Dr. Clyde. Is the treatment to be applied topically or is it an oral medication?

Clyde said...

It is a very veratile substance.
It can be taken orally, it can be massaged in to the skin or it can even be inserted like a suppository.
What ever you are comfortable with.
I would suggest one of each

Sister Christian said...

I applaud you on this post. Really well written, fun to read and I gotta say that I now regret the times I haven't swallowed.
I am elightened.

Clyde said...

Maye we can make it one of the new big 10
Thou shalt swallow

Sister Christian said...


Spiky Zora Jones said... crack me up. hehehe.

I have to say Italian food. A guy's taste best if he is eating Italian. Not that I have made a study of it, but I kind of did...damn it's true.

I can feel my face turning red. hehehe. know you just might be right...taste like pussy hehehe.

later babe...a very fun post.

Bag said...

Clyde, Thanks for educating the ladies. This blog should be classed as a public service.

Clyde said...

Spiky Z
Well, Im eating Italian from now on.
I'm sure that someone told you

I'm always glad to educate
I hope my revelation was in good taste

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