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Wednesday, 10 March 2010

THE PASSING



There is this myth or is it an utter lie contrived by genteel ladies, that women don't fart.

OK, I know that as a young boy and even as a young man, I thought that volume and sound were very good things and should be cultivated to impress all within earshot.

That is was a great achievement to ease out that silent but deadly expulsion to a captive audience of a crowded lift

And as a young soldier, learning how flammable that gas was and burning the hairs off your arse in the name of manly fun.

But the girls----they never did----you know, they just don't fart.

A friend of mine explained to me that women don't actually fart until they are married----cos until then, they don't have an arsehole.

But now I have a very feasible explanation for why it is a rarity for women to be heard blurting out a thunderous fart.

They like to talk----OK, I know that
There are sometimes when they want to talk and you just want to get on about your business---OK---
So with all of this talking, they don't built up enough pressure for a decent fart.

OK, ladies, there it is---so less talking and more farting and your guy will be happier

28 comments:

Ponita in Real Life said...

Perhaps if my dog barked, she wouldn't fart so much?

She never barks.

She farts A LOT...

Me, on the other hand... well, I do both so I must be nicely balanced. ;-)

Dutch donut girl said...

Hahaa... Dammit. Our secret is out.
We can only hide those things for so long.

Or maybe it's because men consider themselves such connoisseurs in the act of farting that we don't want to hurt your feelings by showing you guys up in what some people would call a predominately male 'sport'

Thanks for re-following me again. I'm so happy I could fart.

Scarlet Blue said...

*sharp intake of breath followed by the best ever silent yet deadly*
Sx
...Nah... actually I don't fart very much. I reckon it's down to diet.

Just telling it like it is said...

girls don't fart...it is the Bacteria in their tummies that fart!That's my stories and I'm sticking to it!

Clyde said...

Ponita

I think my lovely big labrador girl must fart on the beach---she is the first dog I have had who rarely smells up the house----and has a spaz attack and runs when I fart

Clyde said...

Donuts

It does seem to be a sport for younger men---easily amused you say.

Clyde said...

Miss Scarlet

I am sure that it has something to do with diet.
I'm not a great curry eater but I have a mate who is right into curries and a lot of Asian food--he has to be the farting champion of the world.
I keep telling him that he is too mean to shit, it's all coming out as dust

Clyde said...

Just

Ha ha---I love it
But being such a genteel lady, I would suspect that you don't fart.

mapstew said...

Clyde, maybe it's 'cos they're so used to me doing it, but my four ladies have no problem 'letting off'!
What a fragrant home we have! :¬)

Just telling it like it is said...

You do have a point...handsome

Ponita in Real Life said...

Clyde, this is just the right thing for you then...

Clyde said...

Stew

That is great----it is a very natural thing.
I was brought up in a family where it was impolite but had two childhood mates whos families would let rip wherever---and why not

Clyde said...

Just

I am however suggesting that your suppression of a natural bodily function is interfering with your eyesight

Clyde said...

Ponita

I really don't need to advertise---but thanks

Spiky Zora Jones said...

clyde: Mother forbid us to fart...it was not what a lady of Southern upbringing would do. I mean what would the 'Daughters of the Confederate' think or say of those that let loose the wind?

But if you pull my finger debutante or not...it is tradition...a fart must follow.

It's the American way.
later sweetie. xxx

EmmaK said...
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EmmaK said...
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EmmaK said...

Then my guy must be really happy because I fart all the time. My daughters are farters too and every time they fart they pretend to call the fire brigade and say 'hello fireman! there's a noxious cloud over our house. Come soon please this is a fart emergency!' And then they run in the room spraying an air freshener like its a fire hose. I pity their future husbands!!

Sister Christian said...

Don't even get me STARTED on the farting thing.
I don't let it rip until 3 and a half months into a relationship. Mine can be pretty fierce. That may be why my relationships don't last long.
At least my dog is worse. Hers smell like the produce aisle in the grocery store...if the vegetables were rotted.

UBERMOUTH said...

I do no such thing. How positively foul.

Clyde said...

Miss Jones

It is funny how in some families it is a forbidden curse, yet others find it to be an entertaining release.
Now pull my finger

Clyde said...

Emma

It is wonderful that people are so comfortable about natural bodily functions---
Why should you hide

Clyde said...

Sister DEb

Ha ha ha-----a good feed of Latin food can add some steam and perfume.
At least you have the dog to blame---except when she is not there.

Clyde said...

Uber

The pressure will build up to a dangerous level one day

Just telling it like it is said...

Maybe but it is time for another blog...get to it "tap tap" I now I am demanding...does that turn you on!!

Memphis Steve said...

I never knew this before, but I had always wondered!

Clyde said...

Just

You are a little demanding----it's almost like begging---
No, it doesn't turn me on but your body does give me a little tingle.
If you can think of something else to do while you're on your knees, we could get on just fine

Clyde said...

Steve

What, you haven't noticed that girls don't fart a lot---
Maybe you aren't paying attention