Wednesday, 16 December 2009


We only had one horse entered to race that night---he was a bad horse to transport so he was in a two horse float by himself and I rode in the float with him.----I had to---just to keep him occupied and stop him from scrambling and climbing the walls.

I could hear the crashing and banging before we pulled into the park ----people were yelling and a woman was running around the park wailing and screaming "Tarses is down, Tarses is down, Tarses is down".
My horse was getting stirred up by the commotion so I unloaded and got him settled in the horse stalls before thinking about what a Tarses was.
My old mate Jim said to me "I'll look after him, go and see if there is anything you can do out there---that horse has fallen in the float transport and they cant get him up or out---but watch yourself, he has kicked three blokes so far"----he was chuckling as I walked towards the park.

Well, there he was, Tarses, a big black stallion laying on his side, thrashing around and lashing out at anyone who dared come near to help.
They had tried everything, so they said---tried to pull his head up to make him get up---tried to get ropes on him but he had lashed out and kicked everyone who got near--they had tried with a neck rope and head collar but without him making any effort, they were frightened that they would damage his neck

I watched for about ten minutes and finally fronted up and said to the bloke who owned him "Have you got any water in a container?"----he looked at me like I was stupid----"well, have you got any water----has anyone here got any water or a can of drink"?-----
All of the people around just looked at me but no one came up with the water---
So I climbed in the front of the float and could basically stand out of danger with one foot either side of the hoses head-----I just looked at the people at the back of the float and said "Well, if no one has any water, would you mind getting out of the way and take any women away, I'm a little shy"

Lucky I needed a piss, so with the best aim I could in the circumstances, I pissed in Tarses ear----
Well, crash, bang, heave, and scramble, he was on his feet and half way off that float.
His trainer looked at me and said "You pissed on my horse"----I said "Well you wouldn't get me any water---and I've never known a horse yet that will lay down with an ear full of water"
There was not a word of thanks----they just couldn't believe that I had pissed in its ear.

Old Jim laughed his guts out when one of his mates told him what I'd done---and was still chuckling an hour later as we harnessed our horse for his race.
We walked up to the track as the race driver warmed the horse up in his preliminaries-----I went into the betting ring to have a few dollars on our bloke--we thought he had a good chance.----I couldn't believe it---there was Tarses in our race and still racing---surely the stewards would have scratched him on a Vets inspection----not my problem.

Our horse Bushman's Song, put up a great performance to be beaten by a nose in a photo----by, yep, you guessed it----TARSES

The owner trainer had not reported the incident in the car park and had not had the horse inspected by the Vet----a bloke told me that he hadn't even washed my piss off him.



Macy said...

Yeay - didn't see that punchline coming!! Great story Clyde :)

mapstew said...

In the past I've put money on a few nags that would surely have done better had they been pissed on!! :¬)

Clyde said...


My old mate Jim died a few years back now but we used to laugh at the number of times we got beaten by horses that we had helped out--it's good to see them go well but you get little or no credit or thanks from their connections.
We started horses against Tarses at his next three and beat him 3 out of 3----pity his owner backed him

Clyde said...


Had a few of them myself----if only someone had found some water, I wouldn't have pissed on this one

Anonymous said...

Clyde...I can honestly say, you always amaze me!

Life would be a lot simpler if we pissed on each other-eh?


Barlinnie said...

Pish on a horse at your own folly... I mean filly.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Karma is that thing which happens to some when they use other people to stand on their own two feet instead of earning their way through life the way most of us have to.

It is sort of the reason a gay chick marries a man to use him to support her when she really doesn't like joy sticks. Not my style at all. I'd never marry some guy I didn't love just to mooch off of him for money.

How much can a person pay you to point that willy at someone's ear? You probably could make some serious cash with that pisser.

Anonymous said...

Well at the least the horse was alright :)


Clyde said...


Nothing amazing about it---you just have to find a solution---sometimes they are simple and don't take too much effort.

Hey, wouldn't be a first---soldier during the war used to piss on each others feet---cure for tinea

Clyde said...


Lucky he got up trying to get away from my stream---

Clyde said...


You beat me

Clyde said...

Hey Bunny

And that's what I've always been into----horse first

Dutch Sugar Babe said...

YOU pissed in his ears????!!!!!
That's wonderful :) and weird.
Do you know any other neat tricks?

Ms Scarlet said...

...I imagine that this trick also works on men that won't get up in the morning.
I will report back my findings.

Clyde said...


Ah, there are plenty of simple tricks with people and animals---of course, I wouldn't have pissed in his ear if someone had some water or a can of soft drink

Clyde said...

Miss Scarlet

Of course it works with men and women----but you are at a bit of a disadvantage with a lack of ability to aim----
A few drops of water from a glass will have him up and shaking his head.
But if you try to hover over his head, he may get preoccupied and neither of you will be getting out of bed

Sister Christian said...

Hahaha! Fuckin' GENIUS! That's kinda gross that no one was sent to inspect or clean Tarses, but he had the last laugh. You did piss in his ear, afterall.
And they should've thanked you! Totally rude of them not to.

phishez said...

I love reading your stories of working with horses.

Clyde said...

Sister Deb

Yep, I suppose Tarses had the last laugh----and I suppose I could have left him thrashing around on the floor of his float---or I could have waited longer and gone and got some water but he was doing himself damage---on the spot decission.
Hey, the number of times I have heped people out with their horses and people just take it for granted that you should

Clyde said...


I love working with them and learning from them---to get their trust is amazing
They all have their personalities

Bo Bo said...

Brilliant. I do love a punt and a good ear pissing.

Laughed my ass off.

Clyde said...


Love a punt myself
Sometimes you just have to think outside the square.
I do get a chuckle out of it when I think back

phishez said...

But the way you work with them is amazing too. I work with animals, and its rare to find someone who has that kind of easy talent with them.

Says a lot about you.

Clyde said...


Isn't it all about respect.
Same thing with people----start off with respect for their space, their feelings, their abilities, their needs and see where you fit.
Don't rush the relationship---almost like the third date rule---I've had some first nighters but I've had some 21st nighters---it's about trust and fit

Fragrant Liar said...

Well Tarses was pissed OFF, and he was making sure you knew it by outrunning your horse. Dude, horses are smart like that. Didn't you know?

Clyde said...

Fragrant Girl

Yeh, he may well have been pissed off---he was one of the best horses around in his class--but we beat him at his next three starts with three dif horses---including Bushmans Song.
Hey, I know how smart horses are---you just have to find ways to outsmart some of them


Great story. My father was professional jockey in Ireland and had a love with horses all his life.

You remind me of a horse whisperer.

Merry CHristmas, Clyde.

Clyde said...


They will talk to you---you just have to learn to listen
Sometimes they talk through actions---you need to know what they are telling you.

Merry Christmas Ms S.

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Clyde said...


Whatever takes my fancy---I've lived a life full of stories---some I will never write about