INNOCENT

I've never really thought about it before.

There were so many things that you did so innocently as a child, that if you repeated them today, you would be arrested.

But as I head for what they say is a second childhood for men, can my new found innocence protect me from prosecution.

SHE LOVES ME

All anyone wants in the world is to be loved.

Ok, I've told you that I am now 60 and I have been waiting for this long time friend and that is still a work in progress---oh, and it is progressing

But out of the blue I get this email

"Hello, I like your profile on this Indian introduction service and I like you"
Geez, hang on---Indian what service---I've really gotta to stop drinking and surfing around on the internasty---no wonder I've got this bloody infection.
But then again it was a Saturday night and a little cool so a bourbon or two wasn't going to harm anyone----and if someone sends you an email, ya have to reply.

Ok,well I replied and of course back comes a whole lot of detail, like---
"I'm 24 from The Congo living in a refugee camp in Dakar Senegal and getting access via some christian minister's computer"

Alright---I started it so I replied with a quick---hey girl, take note I'm 60 years old and don't think a 24 year old should be looking my way

She replied again and now it started----
"Age is no problem---my parents were murdered in a coup in the Congo---I'm stuck in this camp---I'm only allowed out on Mondays and Fridays."

After another quick reply I get.
"I need your help--my dead father left me with a statement from a leading European bank and I have his death certificate---I need your help to get access to the $6.5 million in the bank and then we can live happily ever after----here is my photo"



And all I have to do is send her my bank account details and access codes and she will be here with her $6.5 million and she will be eternally grateful.

How lucky can I be

ITS TIME

"OK Clyde, it's time"

Time for what ?

"Well time for another post at least---you have been very slack lately"

OK, I guess I have but this computer is infected----wont hold settings---I've lost all of my contacts, can't access two of my mail accounts---It's time for a new one.

"So why haven't you bought a new one or at least had this one deloused ?"

Well I figure it's not worth having this one deloused if I'm gonna buy a new one and I'm about to get a fairly big pay out from work, so I'm waiting til then.

"Ooh, a pay out---so what is the deal with that ?"

OK, I guess it's time to elaborate on a few personal details

"What details---like what you have told us so far ?"

Yep, that's the ones

"Alrighty then, lets have the goss on Clyde"

Well, I have always admitted to being on the wrong side of 35----well, I am well and truly on the wrong side----I had one of those big birthdays back in April

"So you are 40 then ?"

Nope

"Not 50 ?"

Nope

"Jebus H Christ Clyde, you are not bloody 60 ?"

Yep, scary isn't it ?

"Well OK, but what is this pay out thingy ?"

Alright--well back in the dark ages, when I was 17, I started paying into a Superannuation pension scheme and elected to have it mature at 60----so what that gives me is 75% of my wage indexed for the rest of my life as soon as I retire from work after I turn 60-----
Well, I am now 60 so I am going to retire on the 10th of July
Not retire from life but from my Government employer of the past 43years

"Ah, Government, so you are going to get a big golden handshake then ?"

Hah, the Government will not give me one cent that I have not earned----they don't even pay up for a farewell gift----
No,in Australia, on average, workers get 4 weeks paid leave per year---but on top of that the earn long service leave---so, after 10 years of service with an employer, you get an extra 90 days of leave---then 9 days per year til you have completed 15 years of service and then 15 days per year.
So if you retire and have not taken any part of that long service leave, they will pay you out------and I have 505 days and I get a lump sum pay out for that.
That's my pay out

"So we have to wait til after 10th July for you to buy a new computer ?"

Well, I could buy it now but I want to keep my ready cash on hand because my investments halved in the Stock Market crash.
Any way, now that I have been outed as a 60 year old nearly retired Government worker, I doubt that anyone will be flocking to read the word according to Clyde.

"I'll still be reading Clyde"

Ok, I'll keep trying to write then----but maybe not before July

"See you then"