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Saturday, 1 November 2008

CHASTITY

The medieval practise of using chastity belts to protect the purity of your wife and female offspring is making a 21st century comeback----well, so they say.

Now it used to be that you would get your most trusted blacksmith to make up some sort of locking belt with a groin piece to cover and prevent access to the genital area of you wife and precious female offspring-----thus ensuring that no one was touching up the Mrs while you were off battling the heathen hoards and protecting the virginity of your daughter to increase her appeal to wealthy suitors.

There was the story of the nobleman who had his wife's belt made up with a hole in it allowing access for his cheating compatriots, but it had a little guillotine to chop off or at least take a chunk out of the offending tackle.

So now this idea has come into the 21st century----well at least that is what they are touting it as.

The 21st century idea is knickers with a GPS device sewn in.

So now you can sit at home and know where your under age daughter is---
Well you may think so

Come on----how the fuck is this gonna work-----all you know is where the knickers are.
So you know that your daughters knicker are at the ice skating rink
But does it tell you that they are around her ankles and some local stud is up to his nuts in her not so virginal pussy.
And of course when your GPS receiver says that she is at the local dance, it is not until she walks through the door that you realise that those traceable knickers are in her boyfriends glove box.

Some how I don't think there is going to be a big sale for this new invention.
And how the hell can they say it is a chastity belt.

If you really want to know where your daughter is, ask her-----and show some trust.
Do you really want to know that she swallowing knobs behind the sports shed or taking it from behind over the bonnet of her boyfriend's car.

If you really have to know, you are going to have to find yourself a blacksmith so there is no access-----of course she will hate you.
Or when she gets home from a night out, throw her knickers against the wall.--------if they stick, you have your answer.

GPS knickers-----you have to be joking

25 comments:

bunny said...

I suppose it could come in handy for the post coital knicker search?

Clyde said...

Bunny
Well I suppose you could tell that they were in the night club district, but you can tell what they are doing.
I'm figuring that trust is better than a chastity device

fingers said...

So, Clyde...this is where you live ?? Duly noted.
GPS undies are too silly for words.
It's far easier just to lock your daughter in a cage until she turns 21...

Bo Bo said...

......at the vadg take the first entrance......you have reached your destination......

Fanny F said...

The GPS device may be useful for those gentlemen who have trouble locating the clitoris.

Clyde said...

Fingers
Most fathers want to lock their little girl away til they're 35----then cant wait to get them out of the house

Hal
Geez, do you work for Melway----a road map and directions for every occasion

Fanny
Now I can give directions for those unfortunates.
Gently fumble around with some enthusiasm while staring into the the ladies eyes------when you see the pupils enlarge dramatically, you know that you have arrived

Fanny F said...

Slight problem Clyde. I usually have my eyes closed by that stage in the proceedings.

Clyde said...

Ah Fanny
I bet they would open very quickly

phishez said...

I think it would make a fun game of hide and seek in the city.

I go out an hour beforehand, and he has to find me. I hide. He seeks. The reward is whichever orifice he wants...

Jade said...

I say be honest with your child, and if need be get her protection such as birth control or condoms or BOTH! People will do what they want in the long run, you might as well arm them for real life!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Clyde: I read in one of those old tomes in the city library...that a French knight actually lost his tongue in one of those chastity belts. Poor guy...but then he went on to become very famous as one of the first mimes...EVAH!

The thought of a chastity belt kinda makes me hot. First one with a key...gets fucked royally.

*bats eyes*

MAH HERO!

ciao babes.

Clyde said...

Phish
Great out look on life
Every player wins a prize

Clyde said...

Jade
Honesty works for me
And so does trust
In the end, they will do as they want----we just hope we have prepared them

Clyde said...

Spiky
I'm thinking that what ever they design, you will find a way around it.
And why not

Jen said...

Maybe with a GPS in there some guys will finally find the clitoris.

Clyde said...

Jen
Why would you want them to find it when you have so much fun while they are fumbling around looking

EmmaK said...

Even more bizarre maybe is the chastity belt for men http://www.chastitybeltformen.com/why.html
which, apparently, prevents men cheating! Costs $189. Someone's making money hand over fist.

I have tagged you for a meme!

Fanny F said...

Hey Jen, I just said that! (my ex husband definitely needed the GPS).

Clyde ... believe me, my eyes stay closed. unless I am watching .. which is very sexy.

UBERMOUTH said...

Wow! I am speechless. :)
How are you doing Clyde?

Jen said...

Oooops, sorry Fanny! Guess I'm not the only one who has trouble in that regard!!

Clyde said...

Emma
So does it work on a tongue ?

Bloody meme's---I'll have a look

Fanny
You should watch----see what absolute pleasure you are giving someone

Uber
Hang on---Uber---you're speachless---aren't you well ?
Hey, I see I've been dropped from the frenemie list----who have I offended now ?

Jen
See, you girls cant even find the right spot

Jen said...

Touche!

EmmaK said...

I don't think it works on a tongue but I am working on a tongue chastity device with spikes and electric shocks which you can test out.

Clyde said...

Emma
You are always thinking.
I'll give it a run for you
Of course, you will have to help

UBERMOUTH said...

NO way! I had not noticed. Fucking hackers!