BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Saturday, 8 November 2008

CLITORIS


There, that got your attention.

I keep reading posts and comments about guys not being able to find a clitoris.

So what the fuck is a clitoris----well clinically, it is the erectile organ of the vulva-----Yep, that's right-----erectile organ----it is the female equivalent of a penis. It is the GO button.

So, with guys, the erectile organ is out there for all to see----no one needs any guidance to find a dick----here, its the stiff thing under your nose----OK, you cant miss it.
And it is not too hard to work out how it operates.
You can give it a little hand crank, take it in your mouth and bob up and down or stick it in your vagina and ride it like a rodeo champion.
Persistence in any of or all of these activities will result in an eruption of smegma from the penis and a broad smile on the owners face.
And guys are quite happy to give directions

OK, now the clitoris

It is not out there for all to see-----pants down and it is not a dangly bit so obvious that you naturally gravitate to it.
Get your lady excited and it's not pointing out there for you to grab, devour or ride.
So where is it-----well take your time and search around and if you are not sure, fucking ask
Geez, no wonder girls like playing with other girls

And ladies, if it is so fucking important----draw a map----- get a tattoo with an arrow pointing to it-----get it colour coded
And show him how to operate it

No, you are not going to do that.
Well OK, that's fine----but dont't complain when he spray paints your womb, smokes a cigarette and wipes his dick on your curtains as he leaves.
You have to remember----we don't have one, we dont know how it works, we are not good at asking directions and once we have got our jollies, we are satisfied.

God, at least you get an owners manual with a car.

And yes---I do know----and I know because a lovely young lady gave me directions

22 comments:

UBERMOUTH said...

Clyde,
I just noticed your comment about being removed from my frenemies list. I have fixed it now. I am being hacked still and I guess you-know-who deleted it to cause a rift.

About this post.

How can men not find it?I mean they're pretty much in the same place on all girls.

Clyde said...

Uber
Yep, they are in the same place on all models---they dont change it with a new years model---but if you are a young guy and you dont know that it exists and you should pay it some attention or where it is, then maybe the owner should tell you.-----not sit back dissatisfied and whinge about it

bunny said...

You've got to wonder about the people who are dissatisfied with their sex lives who aren't willing to do anything about it.

If more people spoke to each other about sex we'd all be having a grand time.

Clyde said...

Bunny
Exactly the point.
If you are not going to talk about it, don't expect anyone to know what you want or need

Bo Bo said...

As the once great Salt n Pepper once said;
Let's talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex
Let's talk about sex

Those GPS undies might come in useful here.

Clyde said...

Hal
They might tell you where the undies are----that doesn't seem to be a problem.
It's just finding the go button---but most guys are too busy getting their own gear working

Jen said...

It's easy.
Take partners hand, guide them gently towards the promised land,show them the way, and lie back. It's not rocket science, people!

Clyde said...

Jen
Ah, a woman who is not gonna miss out.
Maybe you should give lessons

EmmaK said...

lol
sometimes its better if the guy can't locate it as there is a tendency amongst the masculine community to rub it hard, like they're sandpapering a wall. Yes, I know, you can give them feedback but some people just don't get it! You and I need to start some hands on seminars on this topic.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I have no problem holding a man's head...so his face is in the right place...then grinding my clit to his tongue/mouth, et cetra.

Who needs to find it...I'll show him. I have no problem in being the aggressor. I'm not missing out on a orgasm or two or three. No way.

The difference between men and women's climax.

When the woman climaxes most of her brain shuts down. Some women have been known to pass out from climaxes. This is true.

Men have those part of the brain shut down...like the worry and afraid emotion producing parts of the brains. They are more alert than women when climaxing.

So when women orgasm...it's deeper than when men cum. It's true.

I don't evah remember passing out. hehehe.

Ciao babe.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

In my younger years, I was too shy to give directons. Now, I'd buy a friggin' GPS if the guy I was with couldn't find it. :)

Clyde said...

Emma

Yep, they should hang a sign on it---handle with care---but I dont think that you can over lick a clit---
Hmm, hands on seminars with you---now there's a great idea---but we will have to get some one on one time together to establish a curriculum

Spiky

You are always going to be a very happy lady.
Show 'em and tell ,em what you want and with a few lessons, even someone with average ability can be good.
Oh, and I do not doubt your ability


Stacy

We all learn by experience.
It took me a little time to work out that my partner wasn't getting as much out of sex as I was.
Now I make sure

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Pssst, Clyde? Just found this story right here.

You Aussie's sure do know how to party, don'tcha? I'm a bit jealous over this one...;)

Jade said...

Ahh this post makes me glad I'm a lesbian. LOL I've never had to direct my partner in what to do. Now past boyfriends yes. They get so caught up in pleasing themselves that they don't take the time to explore, play, and pay attention to noises and body movements while playing. It just requires a little time, a attention span, and some KY ;-)

Very few women have a orgasm strictly by vaginal penetration, the clit is the power house for us, so boys.... take some time to learn how it works, where it is, and what needs to be done with it. Google it on Google Images, it will show you were its at. Doesn't ever change location, so the next time you find yourself face deep between knees you won't have to look silly and ask. You will have done your homework. If nothing else watch a porn!

UBERMOUTH said...

Where are you????? Are you okay?

Clyde said...

Jade
This sounds like a good life style---can I join.
Oh, hang on---I'm already going to hell
Hey, I can just see some guy half way through, grabbing his laptop and Googling clitoris----cos you know that they will never ask directions before setting out on a journey.

Uber

You missed me----awwwwww
Yep, I ran away for a week in the north--------sun, sand, sea, tanned bodies and late nights.
Back home to recover

Clyde said...

Stacy

Yep, we do like a party
Hey, and any excuse to take your clothes off in mixed company

( . )( . ) said...

How any man can get to the age of 15 and not know where it is is beyond me.

Dont guys watch enough porn that they just replicate what they see on that??

My best tricks I learnt from porn, and they have not failed me yet!

Clyde said...

(.)(.)
I'm not sure that 15 year old guys are interested in finding anything other than a warm lubricated place to unload their newly found man paste.

Geez, I'm not sure about learning too much from porn.----not every girl loves anal or wants her face or tits spray painted with jizm

Jade said...

Clyde, there is a smile waiting for you at my blog :-)

Cat said...

Men don't ask for directions! Lovely! and true. ha!

UBERMOUTH said...

Of course, I missed you! And your blog. So, get typing. :)

I hope that you had a nice holiday and brought me back something nice.

I have been enjoying your music while you were gone.