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Wednesday, 22 September 2010

CRIMES & STARS



Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone----well, it went something like that---and hey, you, stop chucking those rocks---we know what you've done.

I worked with a man a good few years ago who gave me a good piece of advice---
"Clyde, there's two types of people in this world---those that are in gaol and those that could have been"
I laughed at the time but realised that he was telling me to take everyone on face value and to let them prove me wrong.

But literally, maybe he was right.

We have all ----well, at least me---done something in our lives that could have landed us on the wrong side of the law.

OK, I'm going to admit to having a sexual relationship with an under age girl---and that could have put me in gaol
The fact was that she was a little more under age than I was, but the guys always get it in the neck and if we had been found out, I probably would have ended up in court and maybe gaol.
I did do a little drunken driving in my early days and of more recent times, I may have threatened an obnoxious neighbour with some rather unusual bodily bodily harm.

Probably the worst thing I have ever done in my life was to throw someone in front of a train---OK, well I was 11 years old, he was the school bully and he was picking on my brother who had polio-----no police, no gaol time and we have been friends for life.

OK, that's the crime bit----

I was reading the free little local paper and came to that page--you know--connections---the dating column.
I love to read them and admit to answering a couple of adds a few years back--
They are sad, pathetic, funny and mostly unrealistic.
54 year old woman wants man, must be tall, slim, non smoker, non drinker aged 30 to 35.-----come on mum, put the children down
Now I really don't care if you call yourself young at heart because your bust line is now where your waist used to be-----I don't care if you call yourself buxom because you talking bathroom scales yell for one at a time---
Oh, does easy going mean that you put out and does nice gentleman mean, but not with me ?

But, I'm looking for a nice Taurus or Libran guy---or want a loving Pisces girl.
Come on---since when did your star sign maketh the man.
I know of 5 people born on my birth day and a few born under the same star sign and I don't really relate to any of them.
I share a birth date with Shakespeare---enough said---me, a poet, playwright--insecure---never
Adolph Hitler shares my star sign---now I may be guilty of a conquest or two, but never a country and I'm not racist.

So what the fuck---oh, there's that word again---descriptive----so what the fuck does your star sign have to do with who or what you are.

A great little skit from Billy Connolly---young man dancing with a strange girl at a local dance and she asked him what his star sign was---"Ah, Sagittarius, half man, half horse, licenced to shit in the street"

And that's about what I think of star signs---oh, hang on, it says I'm going to come into some money----yeh,right, like I'm gonna wank in my wallet.

Oh well, you know more about me---scary

16 comments:

Venom said...

It must be hard to even place an ad... how do you word something like that trying to hedge against the all out freaks and bedwetters?

I suppose I'm an old fashioned girl then, when a guy asked me out I followed my gut, and sense of adventure.

Asking for what I want would be problematic. For example, if you look at my track record you'd say I prefer tall, lean, athletic men with good teeth and nice hair. However, twice I've dated teddy bear style men with not such perfect teeth or hair, but there were other things that did appeal and satisfied completely.
I do love a man with a good sense of humour, laughing during sex is always such a glorious feeling.

Tell you what, star signs meet shit all.

Clyde said...

Venom

I suppose that I could have added that I have had relationshipd with two young ladies who were born on the same day in the same hospital--freaky, I know---and I really don't know why I know that--
But boy, were they different--one didn't speak to me in daylight hours for 5 years but knew I had a fair wine collection and used to knock on my door at 3 in the morning because her bottle shop had closed---and stay the night
The other is one of my best friends

The Invisible Seductress said...

Well,, you naughty naughty boy you!!! Winks...

Clyde said...

Seductress

Just the way you like them

Sister Christian said...

You almost threw a dude in front of a train cause he was picking on your brother? That is fuckin' gangster. As for this star sign business, it only goes so far and is for the most part, pretty general. I share my birthday with Erik Satie. Does that make me some amazing composer? I fuckin' wish it worked that way.
HA! Wank in your wallet. I gotta remember that one.

Clyde said...

Sister Deb

I don't think you can call an 11 year old, protecting his sick brother from the school bully, gangster.
It was on a train station and yes he was in front of a train--but hey, he got out of the way---
Yep, we wish star signs worked when they say good stuff and call them crap when its bad

Culture Served Raw said...

Very amusing post. We all have a bit of a badass in us, spices things up a bit ;)

Macy said...

Ha! If there was any truth in star signs, there must have been a major crime wave in Australia the day you threw a bully in front of a train! What with every Arian in the world Exacting Violent Revenge and all.

Clyde said...

Valerie
I doubt that you have any badass in you

Mine only came to the fore as protection for loved ones .
But life should always be spiced up a bit

Clyde said...

Macy

The "stars" are great food for superstitions---
Probably the best way to look at them is to buy two daily newspapers and see two versions of the stars

fingers said...

Star signs are a ridiculous basis for a relationship.
I prefer to get drunk and hook up with a chick whose name rhymes with mine...

Clyde said...

Fingers

You maybe limiting your field a bit---although I did work with a girl named Kinga who was a bit of a dinga but she did have a nice minga---well, she actually looked alright on a dark night after a few beers

JennAventures said...

I've decided I'm going to be the eccentric Aunt who harrasses my neices and nephews aout their signs and the signs of the people they date. It just feels colorful.

Clyde said...

Jenn

Sounds like the appropriate thing to do---besides being colourful--
Of course you will need to be much older and invent your own star readings and add in the Chinese years

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

Clyde, I must say this is very refreshing to read the other perspective of this internet dating fiasco. A 54 year old woman looking for a 30-something year old male? Has Demi placed an ad already?
xoRobyn

Clyde said...

Robyn

The only reason I laugh is that you are hoping to meet someone---and you start with a lie.
I am amazed by the number of "older" women advertising for younger men, yet they complain that men mature at a slower rate.
So is it just horny old women looking for someone who can keep it up longer and who they can order around.
Hang on---is that red hair I see--ah, all redheads are horny