CRIMES & STARS

Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone----well, it went something like that---and hey, you, stop chucking those rocks---we know what you've done.

I worked with a man a good few years ago who gave me a good piece of advice---
"Clyde, there's two types of people in this world---those that are in gaol and those that could have been"
I laughed at the time but realised that he was telling me to take everyone on face value and to let them prove me wrong.

But literally, maybe he was right.

We have all ----well, at least me---done something in our lives that could have landed us on the wrong side of the law.

OK, I'm going to admit to having a sexual relationship with an under age girl---and that could have put me in gaol
The fact was that she was a little more under age than I was, but the guys always get it in the neck and if we had been found out, I probably would have ended up in court and maybe gaol.
I did do a little drunken driving in my early days and of more recent times, I may have threatened an obnoxious neighbour with some rather unusual bodily bodily harm.

Probably the worst thing I have ever done in my life was to throw someone in front of a train---OK, well I was 11 years old, he was the school bully and he was picking on my brother who had polio-----no police, no gaol time and we have been friends for life.

OK, that's the crime bit----

I was reading the free little local paper and came to that page--you know--connections---the dating column.
I love to read them and admit to answering a couple of adds a few years back--
They are sad, pathetic, funny and mostly unrealistic.
54 year old woman wants man, must be tall, slim, non smoker, non drinker aged 30 to 35.-----come on mum, put the children down
Now I really don't care if you call yourself young at heart because your bust line is now where your waist used to be-----I don't care if you call yourself buxom because you talking bathroom scales yell for one at a time---
Oh, does easy going mean that you put out and does nice gentleman mean, but not with me ?

But, I'm looking for a nice Taurus or Libran guy---or want a loving Pisces girl.
Come on---since when did your star sign maketh the man.
I know of 5 people born on my birth day and a few born under the same star sign and I don't really relate to any of them.
I share a birth date with Shakespeare---enough said---me, a poet, playwright--insecure---never
Adolph Hitler shares my star sign---now I may be guilty of a conquest or two, but never a country and I'm not racist.

So what the fuck---oh, there's that word again---descriptive----so what the fuck does your star sign have to do with who or what you are.

A great little skit from Billy Connolly---young man dancing with a strange girl at a local dance and she asked him what his star sign was---"Ah, Sagittarius, half man, half horse, licenced to shit in the street"

And that's about what I think of star signs---oh, hang on, it says I'm going to come into some money----yeh,right, like I'm gonna wank in my wallet.

Oh well, you know more about me---scary

QUESTIONS

Over a year or two of blogging and emailing, friends have sent me questionnaires on all sorts of subjects and I have ducked them with a passion.
But the Irish Connection, Mapstew, just completed one on his blog and shouted out for me to do the same----and being the very polite young man that he is, he added--only if you want to.

OK, it's taken me a while but I thought, just this once, I would complete one. Just the 8 questions.

1. WHY DID YOU START BLOGGING.

OK, a friend of mine started to write a blog and gave me the link. I commented on her posts anonymously. When I tried to comment on Steph Shaws blog, I couldn't without a Blog Account--so Clyde was born. It was the lovely Ms Shaw who encouraged me to post my own stories after seeing something in my comments--she thought I had something to say. Thank you Steph and hurry back.

2. I YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WITH NO RESTRICTION ON COST, WHERE WOULD IT BE AND WHY ?

My mother was born in Scotland and I love all things Scottish, so I would be off to Scotland tomorrow. But of course, while I am in that part of the world, I have to go to Ireland to see a beautiful country and to meet up with Stew for a pint or two--and he's going to get me a Corr.-----I'm almost duty bound to go to Britain & Ireland.
But---I do love all things Asian. I've been to Malaysia and Singapore and want to go back but I really want to see Vietnam, China, Korea and Japan---I guess it's lifestyles completely different to mine.

3. DID YOU HAVE A TEACHER AT SCHOOL WHO HAD A GREAT INFLUENCE ON YOUR LIFE ? IF SO, WHAT ?

Oh yes. Her name was Colleen Davis. She was my history teacher in my first year of high school--aged 13---she was also the sports mistress--and quite often she would come to teach our class in a very short little tartan skirt---she had a habit of sitting on the front of her desk while she lectured.
I failed history but learned every way to be in the right position to see up her skirt and had more erections in that hour lesson than any other week in my life---I think I learned a lot about raging teen hormones.

4. IF YOU COULD SPEND THE DAY WITH A FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?

Should I say Pamela Anderson because I want to look at her tits--but they're plastic and will melt one day----or George W Bush to just ask him why---or Monica Lewinsky to ask if she really thought it was a good idea----but no---I would love to spent a day talking to Billy Connolly. Billy has an opinion on everything in life and can see the fun in the world---amazing for a man who had a very sad upbringing

5. TOILET PAPER. UNDER OR OVER ?

Thank you Ponita for telling me what this meant.
Well I never really cared and it always used to be under so that you pulled it away from the wall---but then the best paper---you know --the one that your fingers never go through--nasty---but the best started to put a printed pattern on it so you should mount it over---it looks better
Things were so simple when it was just white or a pastel peach colour.

6. NAME ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WOULD DO OVER IF POSSIBLE ?

I have often thought about this and it is always the same.
I had been going out with this beautiful girl for about four weeks when my best mate came home from an Air force posting---he wanted to go to an Air force party and needed me to drive. Instead of telling my girl the truth, I told her a lie and went to the party. Rosalind Fox, I'm sorry--it was the dumbest thing that I have ever done--I should not have lied
Note: he is still my best friend but I will always wonder what could have been.

7. TELL US ABOUT YOUR PETS, IF ANY

I'm a dog person---always have been. I have a beautiful golden Labrador girl who walks the beach with me every day---she runs my life.I have a budgie--little Australian parrot---I hate birds in cages---they should be free---but I am looking after him for 6 weeks---well I was---he has been here for three years--his owner is in a nursing home---I cant let him free--born in captivity and he would die.
And of course a horse---she now lives at a breeding farm and has a foal due in about 4 weeks.

8. DO YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN OR A LARGE TOWN ?

I live in the seaside suburbs of the capital city of my State--I'm close to the sea, not far --30 mins---from the city and less than 30 minutes from the edge of suburbia.

OK Stew, Ive done it---so the deal now is that I should nominate other people to do the same things so that I know more about you---but I don't like doing these things, so I'm not going to start naming people to do the same.

But if you don't the bluebird of happiness will fly up and shit all over your shoulders-----and you are probably not that interesting in any case

CELEBRATING SORROW

Today is Fathers Day in Australia

A day when so many people celebrate having or being a father.
A day of respect for fatherhood.
A day when families get together. A family day.

There are a few family days during the year and hopefully some of them are the reasons for families forgetting about anger and fear and getting together and remembering that they are a family.

The weather has not been kind over the past week but this morning the sun shone and I walked the beach with my dog.
I spoke to my father and told him that I loved him.
And as a tear rolled down my cheek, I told him that I missed him.

My father died some years ago and I spread his ashes on the beach he loved to walk.

I have no family, so these family days are not so happy but they are a good reminder of the wonderful people who have passed through your life.

It's my Mum's birthday soon.
I'll talk to her and tell her that I love her.

She is on the beach with Dad---

Sometimes I want to stay with them