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Thursday, 12 November 2009

RETURN FIRE




Now my last post was an attempt to let guys know something about womanspeak and try to interpret some of the common "speak" responses.
But now out of the blue someone sent me the rules according to men---
I have modified them a little but basically it will give ladies some idea of how men think.
You may say that your guy has never said anything like this to you but I'm betting that he is thinking it but just to keep the peace, he has gone out to the shed to start a handyman project(substitute beer here)

These are our rules!
Please note.. These are all numbered ' 1 ' because not one has a priority over another

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
And if you leave it down, don't complain that we pissed on it because we left it up last time.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides or girls nights. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or how hot your sister is.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Hey, there are some of them I can't agree with but then again I can see the reasoning behind them

23 comments:

Ponita in Real Life said...

I have to say I get the logic in most of these more so than the rules for women... but then, I've been told I'm not a normal woman.

*peeks down top*

Looks normal to me! :-D

The Peach Tart said...

great to get an alternate perspective

mapstew said...

Pint?

Scarlet Blue said...

But Clyde, what are you really thinking. My bum looks big in this doesn't it? Go on tell me the truth... I can take it. You're just being nice... I really do look fat in this don't I? Do you think I should wear the red dress instead? Do you think anyone will remember that I wore it at the last party we went to? CLYDE, ARE YOU LISTENING??????
Sx
...and breathe....

savannah said...

well done, sugar! i've read these before and always chuckle. xoxoxo

(40 years of marriage, 4 kids, 17 moves, i've seen and heard it all!)

thenextchapt said...

:) I have heard a couple of these more than once...

Dutch donut girl said...

I really like this list. But I don't agree with #1 ;)

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it."
OMG, my thoughts exactly. Am I a man?

I have never in my life asked anyone if I looked fat. Geez, I have two eyes and I know how to used them. Not that I'm fat, but you get my drift.

And peach is a color!!!! No matter what you men say.

Jimmy Bastard said...

We should have a pint.... classic stuff.

Clyde said...

Ponita
Really there shouldn't be girl rules or boy rules----if you can't live together without all of this dancing around each other, there is something wrong---
The rules seem to come into play after a girls night or a boys night or after a days work where we have been listening to others


Peachy

Tis a pity that there does seem to be two sets of rules---you would think that after living together that there would be an understanding and acceptance


Stew

Make mine a very cold Pale Ale---its been 100d every day this week

Clyde said...

Scarlet
Whay do you ask
You know that you have that perfect peach shaped bum that I love to grab a handful of.
You look spectacular in green and no one will notice because they are too busy looking at your ample breasts or staring into those glowing eyes.
Personally I am staring at your lips, the way you move your mouth and I'm dreaming that you *#^@*#@*%@#* Oh

Clyde said...

Savannah
You must have been a child bride my sweet---and you probably don't muck around with womanspeak.
Life is too short to dance around each other

Bunny

I hope not from the BB----all of this dancing and jousting doesn't start til you have cut the wedding cake


Donuts

Hey, I've seen your photo, so why would you ask---just to put some guy on edge maybe.
Hey, and no way you are a guy---well, unless you have had some unusual surgery---and they did a bloody good job

Clyde said...

Jimmy

As long as it's a pint
Those smaller glasses seem to slip though my hand

Secretia said...

I hope she read it and understands, I did, and I do. hey, thank you!

Secretia

Clyde said...

Secretia

I have lived without these rules for years
It's called partnerships and respect for each other

Scarlet Blue said...

Good answer!
Sx

Clyde said...

Miss Scarlet
And no rules used and no ryles broken.
Just honesty

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Clyde sweets. Not only do women have to ask, then tell a man to do something...women have to also tell them when. NOW!

Why, you ask, because men will sit there on the couch and say...I'll do it at half time. And every women knows he won't remember to do it, she then has to get on his ass again. And he thinks she is a bitch or something and she thinks he is retarded or something.

They both maybe right.

Men and the toilet seat...it's a sanitary thing. Close the lid first...then flush. Everyone knows this except men. It's true...it keeps bacteria at a min.

Women really exspect the lid to be up...after all men don't even know how to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder. They just balance it there for the first woman that comes along to do.

hehehehe....and men really don't want to sleep on the couch they'd rather have a nice warm body to spoon and hope that she wants to fuck in the morning. Which by the way...I do. I love a good morning...um. I've said too much huh?

later sweetie..good post.

Bo Bo said...

You cut and pasting old work emails again Clyde?

Clyde said...

Miss Jones

So if I get up early, clean my teeth and gargle, you dont mind if I come back to bed and watch you sleep ?
I love to watch you sleep---and not just cos I know there is action when you wake----hey, wake up, I'm horny

Clyde said...

Hal

I see that you've been cleaning house.
About time you added a little more.
All clowns come out for Xmas.

Hope you are well

mapstew said...

100dg? My heart bleeds for ya!

Not a Guinness? I just put one on for ya!

:¬)

Clyde said...

Stew
Its still 100 and again tomorrow---there have been a substantial number of coldies being poured down the throat

UBERMOUTH said...

hahahaha I loved them all!