LEARN TO SURVIVE

The English language is hard enough with two or three different spellings for a word and nine or ten different and sometimes contradicting meanings.

Of course we have the original language and spelling, then we have the Americanisations brought to us by 52 states and Microsoft and the bastardisations from Scotland and Australia.
But it doesn't matter what English speaking country you are from or who published your dictionary, there is not a publication anywhere that will give you that lifesaving incite into womenspeak---it is a language of its own and a lack of comprehension can have disastrous consequences

For the guys, a little look into Clyde's survival guide


NINE THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR FROM A WOMAN

(1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

(2) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

(4) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just
say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,
unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a
'whatever').

(8) WHATEVER: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) DONT WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement,
Meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times,
but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Learn and live longer