BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Monday, 9 November 2009

LEARN TO SURVIVE



The English language is hard enough with two or three different spellings for a word and nine or ten different and sometimes contradicting meanings.

Of course we have the original language and spelling, then we have the Americanisations brought to us by 52 states and Microsoft and the bastardisations from Scotland and Australia.
But it doesn't matter what English speaking country you are from or who published your dictionary, there is not a publication anywhere that will give you that lifesaving incite into womenspeak---it is a language of its own and a lack of comprehension can have disastrous consequences

For the guys, a little look into Clyde's survival guide


NINE THINGS YOU MIGHT HEAR FROM A WOMAN

(1) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

(2) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

(4) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just
say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,
unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a
'whatever').

(8) WHATEVER: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) DONT WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement,
Meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times,
but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Learn and live longer

33 comments:

**S** said...

You're providing a community service to men the world over. ;)

mapstew said...

You had me at 'Gyna colleges'!

Now if only my kids could make their minds up!

:¬)

Clyde said...

Ah *S*, you really don't have to be too smart to work it out.
Well, yes you do because you then come across a Kylie and there is no "whatever"--it is a plain and simple "fuck you"
Of course you don't use womanspeak

Clyde said...

Stew
Yep, if you want to survive with women, you have to listen and be able to translate----and they start early

Jimmy Bastard said...

Never a truer word spoken in jest. You had me at 'fine'.

Clyde said...

Jimmy
I was thinking of you pal
And that post that you deleted---I only saw the first couple of lines and thought that you were either very brave or stupid.

The Peach Tart said...

You're a very smart guy

Clyde said...

Peachy
And you are a very beautiful woman
But what was your point.
Oh, I know things

Venom said...

Dear Clyde, you are surprisingly astute. I think you probably do okay with the women...

thenextchapt said...

:)

I have seen this a couple of times but it always makes me chuckle a bit.

'fine' and 'nothing' are my two favourite words when I'm upset with the boyfriend.

bunny

ps. I've moved - again...

Jimmy Bastard said...

....stupid. Nae contest.

Secretia said...

From now on I'm just gonna say "Fwhatever"

Clyde said...

Venom

I'm not sure what OK is
I have more female friends than I have male
Hmm, maybe it's because I dont like the way a lot of men talk about their partners and try to live a single life when they are not

Clyde said...

Bunny
There you are
Hey, you are having a new life
Wonderful

Clyde said...

Jimmy
Glad you came to your senses

Clyde said...

Secret girl

Hey, sounds like a new one for the updated dictionary
We should spread the word

Macy said...

Hi Clyde - presumably you're going to let us know your thoughts on that LOADED question "What are you doing?"
That's ADVANCED linguistics that one!

tehkorah said...

You have learned some female linguistic terms well, young pad-uan. Now keep your eyes and ears open, since you never know the next question.... ;)

Sister Christian said...

Thumbs up for numbers 2, 4, 6 and 9. So incredibly true. As for the others it depends on the tone used. When I say "Whatever", it's usually 'cause I caught myself in a stupid moment and I want to wave it off before anyone has a chance to rub it in my face.
But I must say that I am impressed with your understanding of the female language.

Clyde said...

Macy
"What are you doing"
Yep well, you have to think fast in any situation when that question is asked---especially if you are pounced with it after some "you" time in the shed, reading magazines

Clyde said...

Tehkora
It always depends on the relationship and what stage you are at---think carefully before you answer.
I've got to the stage of immediate truthful answers and if you dont like my answer, then you shouldn't have asked the question

Clyde said...

Sister
And for any guy around you, they have a real problem---because you are still a novice at this game and you are learning all of the time--"bitch in training"

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Clyde baby: hahahaha....these aare so true. Like when I have had it with my girl...I'll say whatever and she responds with..."don't whatever me...whatever you."

I say FINE....and walk away. My ex didn't know any of these and was so confused...especially when I said, thanks a lot.

hehehe...later sweetie. xxx

Clyde said...

Miss Jones
I am surprised that you would use womenspeak---not that you are not a delightful young woman, but I thought that you would "tell 'em like it is"

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi Clyde: Well baby, it's like this we (me and g/f) both speak it at my house so we understand each other perfectly. But we just can't come out and tell them everything like how to act, what to say, what to do, and how to make certain decisions that we don't have to over-ride later. That would make us his mother.

Oh no...so we go through this dance every once in a while. Guys figure it out eventually but they tend to forget...when they look at the boobs everything empties out of their head. hehehe. Plus it keeps the guys on their toes. : )

later sweetie. xxxx

Dutch donut girl said...

Bwhahaha, it's not so difficult to understand women *insert dramatic Dr. Frankenstein laughter here* It has been said that to truly understand another person, you must place yourself in their shoes. Unfortunately, in many cases, most men's feet seem to be too big for a woman's shoe ;)

Massa Sambo Blewgum said...

Womens.....

Clyde said...

Miss Jones

Yep, the boobs have this instant memory erase facility.
Eyes make me lose my mind

Clyde said...

Donuts

Now there's a thought---but it's not your shoes that guys want to get into

Clyde said...

Massa
And your point would be ?

Dutch donut girl said...

They don't want to get into my shoes???? If I had only known, but no one told me!!! ;)

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I'm a survivor!

Clyde said...

Donuts

I think you may have known sweet girl and maybe you weren't wearing "shoes"