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Wednesday, 5 May 2010

FOREVER

When I fell in love, I thought it would be forever--I think it is because I remember every girl I ever fell in love with and they all have a place in my heart.

I'm a giver, a provider, lover
I want to give the girl I love everything that I can.
I want to provide everything to make her feel as special on day one thousand as she is on day one.
I want her to know that she is loved forever.

I have not succeeded in love---I'm probably not good enough---I'm probably doing it all wrong---but I want to keep on trying---I want to get it right.

I met an old man while I was working for a bookmaker on the racecourses on the weekends to earn enough money to buy a house for my love.
He used to bet with us on every race---he was there every Saturday.
He seemed so miserable and I could never engage him in any conversation---he seemed so lonely.

I lost my father nearly 12 months before he died---his mind went before his time and my mother could not care for him----I had to find him full time nursing care in an old age facility.
It was hard--I visited every day on my way home from work---he would know me one day and not the next---we would talk for hours one night and the next he would turn away from me.
I never knew if it was anger or his mind but I just had to love him and be there for him.
I would take my mother to visit on weekends---he would not talk to her---she visited with a friend during the week but he never spoke---but she kept on going because this was the man she loved.

Dogs were allowed to visit the facility, so on the second weekend I took my Labrador to see her dad---he used to care for her while I was at work---they walked my beach every day.
My dad was in the day room lounge and that beautiful dog was glad to see him but he pushed her away---he had forgotten her. While we talked my dog wandered across to people who called her and then across the lounge to the far corner and sat in front of a woman in in a reclining bed/chair---she had a man with her---he was dealing cards--two hands and playing both because she couldn't move he hands---there was no verbal communication, just eyes but her eyes were on my dog.
I called for her to come back but she just sat---so close to this lovely lady---it was almost hypnotic between them.
I went to get her and the old man looked up and said, "It's OK, my wife loves dogs and she loves that one"---it was the miserable old man from the racecourse---he looked at me and said "Please don't tell anyone"----I thought I knew what he meant----that he didn't want me to tell anyone about his wife.

The nursing staff told me later that his wife had been there for seven years and that he visited her for four hours every day except Saturdays---they wondered what he did on Saturdays----I knew then what he meant---he felt bad taking one day for himself and not visiting his wife.
We spoke a little more at the racecourse---he would smile occasionally, not often.
He would nod in acknowledgement when he saw me at the facility, but no more.
My dog would go and sit with them when she visited

He loved his wife and it was a love that lasted forever

How privileged are we to find someone to love and that someone who loves us.
How wonderful it must be when it lasts forever

18 comments:

Macy said...

Oh god, TWO stories bringing tears to my eyes here.
Thanks Clyde

The Invisible Seductress said...

This was beautiful! And yes, I think you SHOULD think you will fall in love forever each time. How sad would it be if no one hoped and longed for that? I have messed this love thing up too,, apparently. But that does not mean we are not good enough... We were just in love with the wrong ones.at the wrong times....alone for now...But our time will come...please agree....

Clyde said...

Macy
Life is wonderful---and it was wonderful to think that they were in love

Clyde said...

Invisible

We should all live in the hope that things will last forever---especially love and friendships.
I am not sure that we work hard enough at love---and it takes work---we seem to live in an era of "its all too much trouble"
Yes, I agree, you will be loved---well actually, I do now

So Journer said...

Yes... I always think about that, how wonderful must be.

This was a beautiful post.

Clyde said...

So Journer

I guess it is everyones dream---but like every dream, it seems so far away

Sister Christian said...

That is incredibly sweet. Love like that is definitely one of a kind and once you find it, it's impossible to let go, redgardless of what happens.
I like to think that I'll find that kind of bond with someone, but I think I'm more of a lone wolf. It feels like I'm either too much or not enough for people, so I'm kinda going my own way. See where it takes me.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

hi clyde honey. FOREVER is not so long when you find that one you love.

I want more time...a life time is not enough.

great post hon. xxx

Just telling it like it is said...

O M G your the man of every girls dreams I hope you know that!!I'm all in!!!

Dutch donut girl said...

Aw, be still my heart.
Hope you're doing fine.
Have a nice weekend!

Clyde said...

Sister Deb
I doubt that you are the lone wolf.
More that you are someone who can survive alone.
I have read you for too long to think that you will be alone---you are so accepting of people and one day that guy who really wants to be with you will be there--hey, you are only young and still learning what you really want in life

Clyde said...

Miss Jones

Forverer is such a short time with someone you really love.
Yet a day can be such a long time when you are alone

Clyde said...

Rebecca

This is my life---
Yes, that lovely old couple did exist and showed me what love is and how long it could last.
I can only dream of a love like that

Clyde said...

Just

I may be the nightmare of a few girls terrors.
We all hope it will be forever---but if it's not, I can never understand how love turns to hate---it cant

Clyde said...

Donuts

I'm sure your heart is fine and that you a still breaking plenty of hearts

Just telling it like it is said...

and I will never know how love turns to hate...even when I was cheated on I never hated...I know men make infallible mistakes...I just loved them from afar

Clyde said...

Just

Hmm, love from afar
Does that make you a stalker ?

-eve- said...

this was a really good post clyde. saving it. you tell good stories.