Wednesday, 16 January 2013


I knew that she was different from the first time I met her.
But somehow, I like "different" people---maybe I am one or just understand.

We talked a lot but it usually ended abruptly, like she had lost interest, or she just needed to leave.
I think she was happy in her own world and in her own company.

She used to talk about her ex---like there was only ever one guy---but I never pushed the point because I could sense a tenderness was still there and I never tried to advance our relationship.

She worked in the same office as a very good friend of mine. ---- a friend who like to meddle in my life---so it happened. My friend arranged that we would all have a night out with her and her husband.
It was a great night but it was easy to sense her discomfort at times even though she grabbed my hand and we walked arm in arm between the evening's venues.
I took her to a fair she wanted to go to and to the home of some charlatan to have her angels and auras read----sad that these people prey on the vulnerable and needy.---but there was no relationship other than a fairly lose friendship.

She failed to show up to work for over a week and her phones had been disconnected, so her contract was terminated---she was only a temporary employee.
I was concerned for her welfare and tried to contact her but there was nothing for over six months.
Then a phone call--"Could you come and visit me--I would like to see you and talk"----she had admitted herself to a clinic.
Of course I went and spent hours with her, talking and walking the grounds and playing pool with some other "inmates", until her parents arrived.
Her father took an instant dislike to me but that was fine---I didn't like his attitude towards his daughter needing help with a fragile mental state.
I could see that she wanted to talk to her mother alone, so I excused myself and asked her father outside for a cigarette. I further endeared myself to him, telling him he was an ignorant, arrogant arsehole and that he needed to support his daughter ----sad that an eastern European man could only see his daughters state as an embarrassment to his family.
I visited her on a regular basis, but just like everything in our relationship before, she failed to tell me that she had gone home---the staff told me when I turned up for a visit.

It was nearly a year later that she called and asked if I wanted to go to the football with her---her mother worked at a league club and had a variety of free members tickets and car parks
We had a great day---laughed a lot, drank champagne at the breaks and our team won. She asked if I wanted to go again next week and we made plans---but two hours before the game, she phoned and said she couldn't go and she was gone again for more than two years.

It was 1am and the phone rang---it was the angel of death, ranting and raving but obviously in some need. I talked her to sleep--ha ha ha, she didn't even hang up the phone----but she was back again the next night--2am and the next night and then gone again. It was only a week later at just after midnight and she rang to ask if I had some wine--she wanted wine and the shops and hotel bottle shops were closed---she arrived in her pyjamas and had already been drinking---I kept her here for over an hour but in the end, she was going---took her bottle and left.

I sent birthday and Christmas cards via her mothers address and it was just after her birthday she phoned---it had been 4 years or more. She sounded great.
She told me that they had found a tumor on her brain and operated---she had never felt so good ---we spoke for some time--she gave me her phone numbers and her address and we arranged to have lunch the next week---she sounded so happy---only sad that she had just turned 40 and missed so much in her life.
The day before our lunch she phoned and cancelled----said she had a longstanding medical appointment but she would phone again and organise lunch.

She never phoned---she killed herself
No one can say why
I guess that angel just needed to be free
If there is a god and he or she does have angels I'm betting on her being there   


mapstew said...

Yer a good pal Clyde, and your friend was lucky to have you in her life! :¬)

Macy said...

You were there for her Clyde. Sometimes some people really are beyond help.

Fanny said...

Sad story, Clyde. You see good in people

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi honey. How very very sad. My Canadian friend did the same. He never told me he was hurting inside though we were so very close. He was always smiles, laughter, and wonderful talks and fun.

I found that the heart never really stops crying no matter how much time passes when you lose someone you love. Even when I remember him I laugh out loud at some of the things we did and on our heart still aches a little. Sometimes...alot.

Sending hugs your way honey. :(

Anonymous said...

Riveting writing clyde that is your true calling. TonyB

Clyde said...


As with any friend, I am not sure where the luck lays---just sad that the end was at her own hands

Clyde said...


Probably sad that at times we dont know that they need help.
She seemed to have come out of the fog

Clyde said...


Hey, everyone has their good points---ha ha ha, even me

Clyde said...


You are right---I thought the hurt had gone---
But maybe it was only now that she realised she was hurting

Clyde said...


Horses for you now
Where is my Young Quin story?